Staycation

Me and the wife need some time alone.  R has started school again in hopes of applying for a P.A. program next year and I got a second job. We are two ships passing in the night again and we need some "us" time. Desperately! I switched my schedule around thinking my parents would take the boys because they have offered so many times and the last time we went down, they bought their own car seats. Well, when I asked them they surprisingly had plans but offered to come watch them here for a couple of days. While I don't want to sound ungrateful, I wanted to have less people in my house, not more. So my mom came up for one day while I worked and then we changed our plans from snowboarding in the mountains to a toddler friendly trip to Atlanta. Initially I was sad and mad because I really wanted some time with  just R. But...we had the best time ever!!! We took the boys to the aquarium ( me and the wife's favorite spot) and made some awesome memories.   We had so much fun sharing this time with them. I didn't think they would appreciate the vastness of the place and the animals but they did!  I can't wait to take them back.  If you have never been-Go! GO NOW!



MAMA R



SO BIG YET STILL SO SMALL!

We also found some Walking Dead filming spots cause we're super nerds like that.

 

"THOSE WHO ARRIVE SURVIVE!"

We stayed with our close friends who went through their first IUI while we were there! (Yeah we're close like that)  So we lived vicariously through them and reminisced about our baby making experiences and that stressful TWW. We could not be more excited for them. They are doing a non medicated cycle first. I can't help but feel that we have had some influence on them in the past couple of years.   We took them to their first pride festival and equality march. They went with me to buy my wife's ring and I went with them to browse for theirs. We missed their wedding due the arrival of the boys but we see them often and it's like they never left.  They are truly good friends and will make amazing moms! Fingers crossed that they have some sticky luck and good news soon! So overall our family staycation wasn't bad after all, but I am still hoping for some alone time with my wife soon.  I am so excited for so many BFP's and am looking forward to some gender reveals soon!!!!

Bath time

Oh, please excuse the dripping noise. It's just the sound of my heart melting...

LOVE these Ikea kid towel ponchos!

Captain Bubble Beard!

Bringing Sexy Back

 On New Year's Eve, we did our usual routine and put the boys to bed. We drank beers and channel surfed until the clock struck 12. That's right folks, girls gone wild over here! You have to sign a waiver to enter this house....

As the countdown started, we both jumped up and started dancing and counting backwards with the strangers on T.V. and our bff Taylor Swift. I felt a sudden burst of energy and was excited to ring in the new year. Why you ask??? Was it the fact that we have yet another chance to do things right? Nope.  Was it the beer? Nah.  Was it because TayTay is my new girl crush??? Maybe but probably not.  It was because I was about to have sex! That's right, me and my wife did the do!  I'm gonna be brutally honest (probably embarrassingly so for my DW). Sex has fallen to the wayside off a cliff this past year. While I was pregnant, my sex drive never went into "beast mode" like most women brag about. Our sex life slowly dwindled as I got bigger and the mechanics of it all became too much. Then came the 12 week postpartum period in which I felt like a goddess with an amazing bosom and slamming waistline. No kidding, I dropped all my pregnancy weight and then some. I was skinnier than I was in high school. I felt  looked like a million bucks.  Seeing my wife in a new light as a mom made her even sexier. Unfortunately, our inflated sex kitten egos were lost on us due to serious lack of sleep. When we tried, I was super self conscious about my breasts since I was breastfeeding. I didn't want anything weird to happen and the paranoia of my post baby body took over. Then we went on our first date sans boys. We shaved our legs, we wore each other's favorite perfume, put on secret lacy things and sadly fell victim to too much wine. I had a headache (really, I swear did!) and R was drunk. The next few dates went just the same with one or both of us passed out or puking. Hey! Don't judge, it's not our fault. We really rarely go out so when we do, we party like it's 1999 and Y2K is coming.

This time we didn't make plans, we didn't wear frilly things, and it was nice. Afterwards, we joked that we used to have sex more in one day than we did all last year. Yikes. We both laughed, but we both knew it was true. We have become that couple. The couple that gives sex for birthdays and anniversaries. We talked about it and both admitted that neither one of us feels sexy even though we still find each other attractive. It's hard for us to be intimate when we don't view ourselves as desirable anymore. Both of our libidos have taken a nose dive.  We both want more intimacy in our relationship but as crazy as it sounds have not been able to find time for it.  And this is where I think we have failed. We have failed to recognize that intimacy is a vital part of our relationship too.  When we have a moment to spare, we give it to the dirty dishes, laundry, or whatever endless task there is to do instead of to each other.

We haven't fallen out of love with each other, but we may have fallen out of lust. Don't get me wrong, spooning and holding hands is awesome but we cannot survive on bread alone folks. So my new year's resolution is to carve out time for my wife and I. We have also both resolved to join the gym. (uuuuugh!)  My wife is pretty athletic and is really happy when she's working out. ( I think she looks great already!) I think that when I become more confident in my body, I can truly appreciate and accept my wife's affection. Right now I am just not comfortable in my own skin so I don't want anyone else looking at it. I knew post baby body would be an issue, but I didn't think it would last this long.  It's time to engage each other and ourselves again.  I have decided that I need to let go of some things, if the dishes go one more day, or the bathroom is a mess then so.be.it.  Our time is limited and I want to make the most best of it with my wife.  I am glad we acknowledged it and we are working on it together. 

So let's hear it: Have you or a loved one fallen victim to sexual underdrive? What did you do? Thoughts or advice on how to bring the sexy back?

 

 

Happy New Years! I hope that you spent it doing something (or someone) you love! ;)

 

 

 

 

 

 



ONE

This year has wizzed by and I find myself yet again apologizing for the lack of posts. I really thought I'd be better at this! Oh well, it seems that I am that girlfriend that leaves you high and dry when a new flame comes around and then pops back into your life when it fizzles. (or in my case just takes a really long nap). 

There are so many things I wanted to share if only I could remember. I cannot emphasize enough how vital the sticky pad has become to our survival. I went to the store no less than four times this week with the intentions of buying trash bags and guess what? We still have no trash bags. I have the attention span on a gnat. No joke.  Anyways, I guess I will hit the highlights. Our state has legalized same sex marriage! It's official, we are officially married. No more filing double taxes, we can be on each other's insurance, we can be on the birth certificates together. I will admit that while I am ecstatic, I am also annoyed that we just shelled out over five grand in legal fees to do our second parent adoption and $500 for our legal name change. I want to sue the state for that money wasted on fighting for something that should've been ours in the first place! It is what it is and I am glad that we have those protections in place, although I still don't feel entirely safe it's a start.

In the past year I have realized that my life, my house, and my body will never be the same but I can make them all look decent in about an hour. For real though, I am 30 minutes late to everything, my house is exploding at the seams with toys and laundry and I have three different sized pants because my weight has fluctuated so much. Leggings are my new best friend. I dress like I am going to the gym in hopes of one day actually getting there. I sacrifice looks for an extra few minutes of sleep and my hair is in a permabun. I wouldn't trade it for the world though.

And in other news..the boys are ONE!!! I cannot believe it! What an amazing year it has been with these two. They have just grown leaps and bounds. I really am in awe of them as people and the strides they have made. They both started walking around Thanksgiving, are babbling up a storm, blowing kisses and breaking hearts all around the world. Really, they are pretty stinking cute.  They reach up to hold our hands when they walk and it melts me every time. I am so smitten with these little men. I just watched them in disbelief as they waddled in between everyone playing and laughing. Part of me loves that I can play with them more now and really talk to them and the other part of me wants them to stop growing. I totally get why people want another kid shortly after the first turns one. Unfortunately, that may not be in the cards for us for a while. We want one more, but these boys deserve our time and I want to be able to give them 100% of it. It's really hard to do what I need to do now (see trash bag story above), let alone with a third in the mix. So for now we will remain a party of four. I'll leave you with some pics of our party. I hope everyone is doing well and I will continue to cyber stalk each and everyone of ya'll! I look forward to hearing some special delivery news from a few of you soon <3.

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Just a piece of paper

When I met R, I had never been with a woman, I was previously married, and swore I would never remarry again. When we became serious, I told her I wanted children but still didn't want to be married. After having been divorced, I felt that a marriage license wouldn't protect anything and it was "just a piece of paper." I will admit, looking back, I was still feeling burnt from my previous relationships. We did finally decide to get married and going to D.C. to get our license was one of the most exciting days of my life. That "piece of paper" meant more to me than anything- maybe because so many people told us we couldn't have it or maybe because this time I knew it was for keeps. We celebrated our anniversary this year without any fuss and we still haven't opened our love box and read our letters but I pulled out our license and looked at it for a while-and my heart smiled. It is certainly more than a piece of paper to me.
When we decided to have children, we knew we would have to take some action in order to protect our family. We didn't have a clue how much that would entail. We just happened to be at a rally and met a family lawyer that specialized in ART cases. We worked with her over the past year and finally as of August 19th we are both legally recognized as the parents of our own children. We got co-maternity agreements stating our intent to have children before we conceived.  Now, this sounds ridiculous of course but here's the thing: since we did reciprocal IVF and the state does not recognize our marriage, we were considered an egg donor and surrogate. Which technically means that if god forbid something happened to me, R might not get custody because up until the "adoption" she was not on the birth certificate, and if something were to happen to R, even though I am on the birth certificate, I am not biologically their mom so if her family wanted them, they could get custody over me. Now I know that many of you are thinking that going through all this for hypothetical situations is silly, but as a nurse and a military dependent I can tell you that parental death is very real and it doesn't make an announcement before visiting. It was important to us to be prepared. And even though our families are cool with our situation right now, death, divorce, or whatever, can change people in an instant. It can make people turn on their loved ones no matter how strong the bond was. Also, if by chance I lost my job, the boys would lose their insurance and R wouldn't be able to put them on hers. All of these possibilities left us with a sense of urgency to get our affairs in order. Along with filing for the adoption, we did living wills and health care power of attorneys for each other.
We also had to terminate our sperm donor's pseudo relationship. The case was actually us vs. John Doe because we used an anonymous donor. I'm not sure if they did this because it's protocol, or because from the outside it just looks like a couple doing a closed adoption versus two lesbians adopting their own children. We had visits with a social worker and a guardian ad litem. The visit with the social worker was short and sweet although I felt that she really could've cared less due to the fact that we actually had to pay her a lot of cash for the visit. She was eccentric and talked like Paula Dean ya'll. She walked through our house and made comments about how the boys had nicely shaped heads-and that all african american babies have nicely shaped heads so our babies must be mixed. She then proceeded to talk about her high profile custody case that had been in the national news. We were familiar with it and I was shocked she was a key player in this situation as she was just so, err, um, eccentric. She also shared that she had done IVF and was a foster parent and we had nothing to worry about. With that she flitted out of our lives never to be seen again. Her placement report was clearly from a template and she had left the previous couple's info in it because according to her we were a "lovely Caucasian couple raising their children and practicing Judaism." That couple does sound lovely, but it wasn't us, so we had to wait while our lawyer fixed all our paperwork and filed our court date. The guardian ad litem was also very nice and much more down to earth. Although she was named after a legume....Anyways the court date came and we were informed that we had to have a plan b in case the judge gave off a bad vibe. Plan b was to politely ask for a continuance and hope pray beg for a better judge. So the lawyers went in and talked to them before we came in to get a feel for her. Even through the home visits and all the paperwork and background checks I hadn't been nervous or even mad-until now. Here we were, nine months in with our sweet little boys, and after all we had been through to have them, it struck me that there may be people out there that still don't view us as a family. It also struck me that we could be denied and everything was in vain. That scared me and made me furious at the same time.  I couldn't imagine not being these little boys' mama.  It still chokes me up to think about  it.  Well those fears were quickly put to rest when they came out and said it was a go! We had to both testify about our family and how we conceived. It was indeed awkward. However, the judge was awesome and she thought our family was lovely. (We dressed them up in hopes that their cuteness would distract the judge ha!) It was bittersweet. I was happy we were finally going to be protected by this piece of paper but mad that we even needed it. We haven't gotten the new birth certificates yet but we were already warned that the R's name will be listed under "father". Our legal system has unfortunately not caught up with the times. It will be nice to have their new birth certificates with both our names even if they are just pieces of paper.

Mattress Dancing

Before the boys were born, I was adamant that we would not let the babies in the bed. We bought them cribs and I wanted to use them. I wanted one space in the house that was just for me and the wifey. Well, 9 months in and I can tell you that I failed at this pretty quickly. We are officially a co sleeping family. I have the boys 4 nights out of the week by myself while R works. I also have to get up and go to work myself after these long restless nights. The boys still do not sleep through the night-we get about 6-8 hours but they ultimately end up in the bed. R loves it and if I am not here I am sure she just bypasses the cribs altogether. It's not that I don't love their cuddles and their sweet little hands on my face, I just miss holding my wife too. We barely have time for each other as it is and the last thing on my mind is doin a little mattress dancin' with two babies in the mix. Aaagghhh but I digress.

Since we have two extra bodies in the bed we needed a bigger one. Granted, they are little, but they turn into olympic gymnasts at night. I often wake up to foot in the face. Our bed was on its last thread and we decided to upgrade to a king. Mattress shopping made me incredibly nervous. I was dreading it. Mainly because I knew two women shopping for a mattress would elicit questions like "where are your husbands?" or "that's nice of your friend to help you shop". I shit you not, we have encountered comments like these while ring shopping and car shopping. Soooo needless to say I was not super enthusiastic to yet again have to explain why we, two women, were looking for a mattress together. We went to several stores and finally settled on one.The saleswoman was odd but pleasant and didn't bat a lash at us as a couple. Honestly, I think she was more grossed out by our kids. She kept looking at them like Angelica Houston in the movie "Witches". (remember that movie?!)   Anyways, we found a mattress and were on our way. 


Fast forward to 3 months later, we dislike, hate, loathe our new bed. It is too soft and after laying in it, our bodies leave dents that cause the babies to roll into us. R's back is killing her and I have a chronic crick in my neck. Luckily, the store offers a money back guarantee and we went back. Well, the odd saleswoman was replaced by another woman who didn't have her shoes on and was walking around in her socks. That shoulda been our first clue...
We told her we bought a mattress and we hated it. She went to the computer and asked for a phone number. We both took turns talking to her and finally she said "whose mattress is this?'' We both said "ours". She looked up at us and then at our babies and you could tell it did not click. She then asked "how old are your babies?" I said 9 months and then she said "both of them?" ( We get the whole "are they twins?" thing a lot) I said yes and then she said oh which one is yours? I think R could see me getting annoyed and she quickly piped in "They are our twins and we are married to each other!" That shoulda been enough but sadly it just opened the flood gates: "Oh! so you adopted them?" no.no.no. "I carried them and we used her eggs". Apparently my eye rolls and dramatic jaw drop didn't phase her.   She was amazed, "that's so cool!" but her ignorant thirst was not quenched and she pressed on: "Do you know who the dad is? They look really dark." O. M. effing. G. are you kidding lady??? I wanted so badly to pick up the shoe she wasn't wearing and slap her in the face.

Part of me wanted to educate her and share our story and the other part of me wanted to storm out. My family is not "cool" or "neat". If we had been a man and woman she wouldn't have asked any of those questions. Not because she already knew where their babies came from but because it's personal and inappropriate. I felt like she honestly thought we HAD to share our story with her. We somehow owe it to her and society to explain ourselves and our existence. If we didn't, then we were just more angry lesbians jaded by the world. Needless to say, the rest of the visit did not go well because I was stewing on the inside and we left without getting a new mattress.
What would you have said? Would you have smiled and answered politely or would you have jumped on a mattress and shown her how babies are made?

Leché

So I have had a few people ask about induced lactation and seen a few posts about soon to be mommas wanting to try it. We consider ourselves a success story with this and this is our experience. We are by no means doctors, lactation consultants, or even certified in anything other than crazy so please remember to consult your doc and read the fine print (insert legal jargon here).
There are various methods of induced lactation and depending on how much time you have before baby arrives, might help you choose which one is best for you. This website is amazing and lays it all out for you. I highly recommend talking to you gyn, or finding a lactation consultant that is familiar with induced lactation and supports it. We saw 6 ob's in our practice and only one was familiar with and supported induced lactation. She chose the accelerated Newman-Goldfarb protocol for R and it worked really well. So she took Yasmin for two months straight minus the placebo pills. I'm not gonna lie, the yasmin tore her up-she felt awful and was glad to be done with them when the time came. The bc pills help simulate the hormone production of pregnancy. The first month was just bc pills then the second month was domperidone and bc pills. She took 20 mg four times a day. Domperidone is a gastric motility medication.  Milk production is a side effect of the drug not the actual reason people take it. It can even effect men and make them lactate as well! It had no other side effects and R didn't feel any different. There are some things circulating on the interwebs about cardiac issues and that's why it's not used for breastfeeding anymore but that is not true- the cardiac issues can be caused by I.V. Domperidone not the pill. The pill does need to be made by a compounding pharmacy and we had to have ours shipped from a pharmacy out of town-they cost about 100$ for a month supply.

 We did notice breast changes, they were much fuller and tender. About 6 weeks out from our delivery date she started pumping on a 3 hour schedule. She worked night shift so this worked well for her. She was diligent and that is key folks. She gradually worked her way up to pumping 15 minutes each time and also did compressions and massage to help. At first it was just painful pumping with no milk to show for it and then one day BAM! Milk! Now here's the disclaimer: it's wasn't jugs and jugs of milk. Her cup did not runneth over. It was a drop...yup a drop!  But hey, we were in business! She was so proud of this little pearl and so was I. It took about a week after that to get her up to 1-2 ounces each session. She would keep one bag in the fridge and then freeze it when it got full. We were later able to use this milk in the hospital when I wasn't making any.

 Once the boys were born she and I both used the industrial  medela symphony from the hospital and both got tubing kits from them. If your hospital does not have rentals you can try Babies R' Us or a medical supply store. R had to take the domperidone the entire time she breastfed and pumped. For some, just breastfeeding is enough to trigger production and you can stop taking the meds.  We did notice that her milk looked more watery and less fatty but it did eventually accumulate fat. And eventually it tasted the same as mine too (yep we tasted it!). Would you feed your child something you wouldn't drink/eat yourself?!  The boys had a terrible latch and we were not as diligent and to be honest, probably relied too much on pumping to get our supplies going instead of putting them to the breast. For R, breast feeding was not as magical as she hoped and that's ok. Breast feeding is hard ya'll! She also used fenugreek and mother's milk tea to try and boost her supply before she quit but she never made more than 2 ounces each session and quit. For a singleton this would've been a lot but with two, we burned through it-even with my contributions. She pumped and breast fed for about four months after the boys were here and that was super helpful. She is my super hero. I have read that moms that have breast fed before can just use pumping to get their supply going before baby comes. I believe this to be true considering how many moms leak even years after stopping milk production.

As for me, I am still pumping- quit breast feeding shortly after R, not by choice but one day the boys stop taking the boob. At first I didn't care, but then I got sad and frantically tried to get them back-they would take it at night when they were sleepy but then that eventually stopped too. I wish I had stuck with breast feeding but pumping gets the job done just as well. R had leftover meds so I am taking those to help boost my supply and I make lactation granola bars every so often. At my peek I was pumping out about anywhere from 35-50 oz. a day ( as close to a cow as one could get) but I am down to about 20 oz. now.
We were fortunate to have an ob that gave us this opportunity. Not many people know about induced lactation and people are always so shocked when we tell them about it. At first, we were scared to talk about it because we didn't want people to think we were weird. But then we became so proud that R was able to not only bond with but also nourish our babies that we started telling everyone. Of course, I don't think that she's a better person or parent or that the boys are better off for having been breastfed. I am just glad we had a chance to try it.  If it's something you are interested in, it is possible just do your research and find what best suits your lifestyle. Our parents were very supportive even though I don't think at first they believed we would do it. And I honestly think they respect R more now for having done it. I hope this post helps answer some questions and if you still have some you can always email me @ justbeayoutiful at gmail dot com.

I have added some new blogs to the roll call and am following along on new journeys into momhood. Keeping fingers crossed and hoping for good news for everyone!