tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22603399753327365352024-02-20T18:42:58.153-08:00LezBmommiesAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-40438934054398250912015-06-20T20:47:00.001-07:002015-06-20T20:47:38.754-07:00ScaredMany of you may not know much about me besides I am a mom of twins and have a wife. But one quick peek at my profile and you'll see that I am a South Carolinian. Yes...the state where sweet tea originated, "bless your heart" is our version of cussing you out, and you can wear a sweatshirt, shorts, and flip flops all at the same time. But when I say South Carolina today, the things that come to mind are probably the mass shooting at a church, the two black men recently gunned down by police, the manhunt for a man who duct taped a pitbull's mouth shut or the confederate flag. So many feels right now. I can't even begin to express the sadness I feel for our state. <br />
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I live in the capital city. I live probably about 20 min away from the shooter. I take my children to the mall where he was arrested not once, but twice for trespassing and asking "suspicious questions". The second time he was found on the roof of the mall. The hospital I work in was on lockdown during the manhunt for him. My family as well as my wife's family live in Charleston. We go there a couple of times a month, sometimes more to visit. We've gone past that beautiful church hundreds of times. I have already encountered people who knew someone that died in this shooting and it is heartbreaking to hear their stories. You see these stories on the news and you just never think that this will be your home they are talking about. The only emotion I am certain of right now is fear. I am scared for my children to grow up in a world like this. <br />
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Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that in 2015 the news would consist of legalizing gay marriage one week and a racially motivated mass murder the next. I moved here with my biracial parents in the late 80's and it was an eye opener then that racism was still rampant. School field trips consisted of old cotton gin museums and slave markets. Color was always an issue growing up. The schools I went to were not blended very well and I remember being one of 4 biracial children in my middle school. My mom was in the paper because she got the option "other" added to the school census. I was teased for my hair, constantly asked "what are you" and often forced to pick groups of friends in black or white. This went on until high school. I thought that what I had experienced was typical coming of age angst but I see now that it was not. However, I felt like the older I got, the less of an issue it was. I was able to embrace both sides and be appreciated by others for my differences.<br />
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I felt <em>safe</em>. Looking back now though, I think that I had become deadened to the racial things I heard and the way I was treated. I had foolishly taken racism off the list of things to worry about for my family. I figured having two moms would be on top. This past week has stirred up so much emotion about racial identity for me. ( Don't even get me started on Racheal whats-her face).<br />
Seeing the interviews of the shooter's "friends" reminded me that there are indeed still an immeasurable amount of people that truly value people less based on the color of their skin. These are not characters in an old stereotypical movie about the south. These are people that live and breathe less than a 20 minute drive from where we lay our heads down at night. Even just getting on FB has caused me to see people I would've considered friends in a different light. Just so much ignorance. How do I protect my boys from shit like this?! How do I tell them that there are still people that hate people for no good reason other than the color of their skin? And how do I keep them from ever having to deal with them? I don't want my children to become desensitized like me and accept when people ask " what are you?". I see now why people have a hard time letting their children go out into the world. The world that we as parents should have made better for children, but instead have made worse. <br />
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All I know is that I can start by saying what my parents did. We will tell them that they are important and that no one has the right to tell them they are less than. That despite what others may say or think, their differences make this world an amazing place. I will encourage them to embrace people that are different from them and learn from them. We will walk by that church again and tell them about the nine beautiful people that welcomed in a stranger with kindness despite the fact he wasn't like them. We will tell them the dangers of complacency and to never stop hoping for a better world to live in because we don't ever want <em>their</em> children to grow up in the same one we did. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-65007212419892333622015-04-07T08:33:00.000-07:002015-04-07T08:34:24.618-07:00FailSo apparently I'm not the blogging bad ass I thought I was. I can't tell you how many times I tried to pull myself to the computer and blurt out some of the crazy shit swirling in my head. I have so many updates and want to tell you my hopes and dreams, but that nap tho... <br />
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So let's try again. I am strugglin ya'll. <strike>I am</strike>, <em>we</em> are in over our heads in babies and work, and yes more school. R has decided that she wants to become a physician's assistant and well, that's a hell of a lot more school. I was on board at first because we thought she was going to get in pretty quickly because well, she's indeed bad ass. However, 5 years ago, we did not take into account how skipping class to have futon sex would effect her gpa later on since she never thought she was going back. She was super supportive of me going back to get my BSN, it only seemed fair that I do the same. But now with two kiddos that require a lot more attention, it has become a thorn in my side. I'm trying not to resent her for it and want to be her cheerleader, but it is too much to handle at times. The boys are wide open and I need help often. It's hard on her too, she is working really hard to get her gpa up and so far is making all A's. We work opposite shifts to keep babysitting costs down so we are literally two ships passing in the night. We already have a lacking love life and this is not helping. I have also picked up a second job because I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone (so dumb) and she will soon start teaching at a local college over the summer to fluff up her application. Yes I know, we have bitten off more than we can chew, and I feel like I have written that here <em>more</em> than a few times. I just want the world for my boys and in case you haven't noticed, the world is getting more expensive. I keep telling myself it will be worth it in the end but am not quite convinced. <br />
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The boys are growing so damn fast. I work three days in a row and don't see them the whole time because they are sleeping when I get home and sleeping when I leave. When that third day comes, I feel like I have missed so much and I swear they've grown 10 feet. P has lost his sweet baby face and really looks like a big boy. It's weird. and sad. O is still so small. He's not even on the growth charts. The pediatrician swears he's fine. I don't think anything serious is wrong, it's just odd that he is so small, considering the amount he eats!<br />
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They are not speaking and we were worried about a speech delay. They say "here", "duck" and "dada" (oh the irony). We work with them every day on talking, reading books, pointing etc. They do follow simple commands and can identify objects. But I feel like a failure because I don't think I give them as much time as they need. It's hard to divide attention between the two and one almost always seem to get more attention than the other. The pediatrician assured us this is normal but we insisted on seeing an audiologist. Well, they failed four hearing tests in two weeks! The doc said it could be a number of things including the fact that they always have ear infections and fluid all the time. So we opted for ear tubes and will go back for hearing test in two weeks. If they fail again then we move on to other things like speech therapy and possibly hearing aids, but I can tell a difference already! They are babbling a thousand times more. They call each other dada but don't call me or R momma. It's a little disheartening. I'm hoping it's coming soon. It's so hard not to compare them to each other and other babies too. Our friend has a 15 month old and he says like 15 words. It's really hard to not get jealous when we have playdates with him and he is talking. I've been trying to teach them some sign language but that has gone over like a lead balloon so far. They will sign "all done" and "more" though so that's a start.</div>
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And in other news...I have no friends. Seriously. I used to. Then I got old, and married a woman and had kids and the group of people that we had things in common with got smaller and smaller. I do have <em>a</em> dear friend but we see less and less of each other. A lot more of my old acquaintances are having babies now and I wonder if we will be brought back together because of that? You probably wouldn't think it if you met me, but I am shy. And I hate new things, oh and surprises. So basically I am grumpy cat in human form. I have joined facebook groups, twins clubs, babywearing clubs, gay parenting clubs, all in hopes of finding friends. I want to have more mom friends but I literally don't know how to make them. I feel like such a dork for even saying that! I may have 200 likes on a post and talk to 3 of those people in person. That's sad and I feel like I am failing. How can I be a good role model for my kids when I can't even make my own friends? The few interactions I have had with other moms usually start out fine and end with them leaving quickly to "run an errand they forgot about" when the find out I have a wife. Maybe I am being paranoid. I would love more queer parent friends but there aren't that many around here. The struggle is real. I often turn to these blogs because I feel so isolated in real life that it's nice to see families like ours really do exist. So I will continue to stalk my cyber friends here in the blogosphere until real people appear...that's not weird is it? I know everyone is different but do ya'll have trouble with this? <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-91277291415516145812015-02-09T09:19:00.003-08:002015-02-09T09:21:00.527-08:00Staycation<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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Me and the wife need some time alone. R has started school again in hopes of applying for a P.A. program next year and I got a second job. We are two ships passing in the night again and we need some "us" time. Desperately! I switched my schedule around thinking my parents would take the boys because they have offered so many times and the last time we went down, they bought their own car seats. Well, when I asked them they surprisingly had plans but offered to come watch them here for a couple of days. While I don't want to sound ungrateful, I wanted to have less people in my house, not more. So my mom came up for one day while I worked and then we changed our plans from snowboarding in the mountains to a toddler friendly trip to Atlanta. Initially I was sad and mad because I really wanted some time with just R. But...we had the best time ever!!! We took the boys to the aquarium ( me and the wife's favorite spot) and made some awesome memories. We had so much fun sharing this time with them. I didn't think they would appreciate the vastness of the place and the animals but they did! I can't wait to take them back. If you have never been-Go! GO NOW!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">MAMA R </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">SO BIG YET STILL SO SMALL!</td></tr>
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We also found some Walking Dead filming spots cause we're super nerds like that.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"THOSE WHO ARRIVE SURVIVE!"</td></tr>
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We stayed with our close friends who went through their first IUI while we were there! (Yeah we're close like that) So we lived vicariously through them and reminisced about our baby making experiences and that stressful TWW. We could not be more excited for them. They are doing a non medicated cycle first. I can't help but feel that we have had some influence on them in the past couple of years. We took them to their first pride festival and equality march. They went with me to buy my wife's ring and I went with them to browse for theirs. We missed their wedding due the arrival of the boys but we see them often and it's like they never left. They are truly good friends and will make amazing moms! Fingers crossed that they have some sticky luck and good news soon! So overall our family staycation wasn't bad after all, but I am still hoping for some alone time with my wife soon. I am so excited for so many BFP's and am looking forward to some gender reveals soon!!!!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-38667355090991672292015-01-17T20:11:00.001-08:002015-01-23T19:33:34.023-08:00Feeling like an a-hole: Thicker than water part III wrote about my relationship (or lack thereof) with my brother in a previous <a href="http://lezbmommies.blogspot.com/2013/06/thicker-than-water.html" target="_blank">post</a>. Last year I may or may not have mentioned that he came down to visit my parents while I was pregnant. He lives pretty far away and hasn't been home in a couple of years. I live two hours from them and we see each other often. He had some life altering changes and was having some medical issues so he decided to come down and see my parents before he was having some surgery. I guess he needed to clear his conscience. My parents told me that he was leaving in a week so we planned a visit the following weekend to make sure he was long gone. When we pulled into the driveway I didn't think anything of it when my mom was waiting at the door. I walked into the living room and was met by my brother and his youngest child (whom I had not met since he stopped talking to me shortly after he was born). Now my go to emotion is crying. If I'm mad, I cry, sad? cry, happy? cry, reeling with fury? you guessed it, I cry. So you can guess what I did as a pregnant person. You know the saying "cooler than a polar bear's toenails"? Well I'm pretty sure they were referring to my wife R when they wrote it. She takes everything with a grain of salt. However, in this moment, this was the first time I could really see anger in her face. She was pissed as was I. He hugged me and said "I love you" and hugged R and introduced her as "aunt R" to his son. <br>
We didn't talk about what had happened or what he said. I figured we would eventually talk about it so I didn't push. It was an awkward visit to say the least and I was pretty pissed at my parents and felt sabotaged. My mom said she was sorry but that he wanted to see me and stayed and extra four days to make sure he would be there when I came. I pointed out that it's pretty hard to leave a party you didn't know you were coming to. My mom was just so happy to see us talking and cried pretty much the entire visit. Even though I was mad, I felt hopeful that we were on the road to recovery. Well, a few weeks passed and he finally called me. I thought this would be THE phone call. Ya know, the one where he's like "I'm sorry I called you a low life and compared you to murderers and thieves because you're gay". Well I was wrong. He had called to tell me that him and his wife were being "blessed with another child". OMFG! This will be #7 for them. I just bit my tongue and congratulated them through clenched teeth. Never mind the fact that he has just lost his military job of 15 years and has no income at the moment. Never mind that he has another child across the country that he can't afford to fly out to see but once a year. His wife has never had a job and they agreed that when the youngest started school she would go to work. Well, that's not going to happen now. Now they are both unemployed. I honestly felt that his wife got pregnant on purpose because they found out I was having children. I know it sounds crazy, but it was the one thing that they could always bait my parents with. My parents love their grandchildren and they visit my brother often because of the kids. Well this past year my parents only visited one time for graduation and planned to spend the holidays with us since they didn't know when the boys were coming. They were sore about it. So needless to say, the conversation did not go as planned and I never brought it up. I sent them baby presents and we texted <em>twice</em>. I sent them a birth announcement and he texted but never called to say congratulations or sent the boys anything and that made me even more mad. I'm mad that he spoke to me only because he thought he might die and didn't want that on his conscience. Then all communication stopped again. I found out from my parents that he was struggling with severe PTSD and ended up being hospitalized in a psych facility. He texted me a picture of the baby when it was born, but we have not spoken in about 9 months. I finally let my mom have it because he had painted a picture that we were fine and that we were talking again. She kept bringing him up and talking about us like we were fine. I told her that we had only spoken via text twice and that I was not going to contact him as I was waiting on clarification as to where we stood. I understand that he has had a very hard year, but he needs to know that it's not ok to speak to me the way he did nor treat my children differently. And he doesn't get to come in and out when he feels like it. I feel terrible that he is going through such a hard time in his life and I honestly am at a loss for words. I don't know anything about PTSD and what he is going through. One major shortcoming of mine is that I have to dig deep for empathy at times (pretty ironic since I am a nurse). I find it hard to accept peoples' behavior based on their past experiences and find myself constantly saying "well lots of people have been through that and don't act like this.." I know- I feel like an a-hole. I know that not everyone has the same coping mechanisms and we deal with trauma/tragedy differently. I just cannot seem to feel bad for my brother. Yes, it is terrible that he has suffered mental and physical distress due to his job but he is not helping himself. My parents and I both have offered to help him, monetarily, emotionally, whatever he needed. He has refused everything. We have endured a lot as a family and to see him falling apart like this is sad and frustrating for all of us. It could be pride, but he has small mouths to feed and think about. He refuses to move closer and he and his wife have no friends and live secluded in the woods. Sounds like the perfect setting for a Lifetime movie if you ask me. I worry about him, but my anger stops me from getting involved anymore. I feel like he is no longer the person I grew up with and I have lost him and the potential to get past everything gets smaller as each day passes. I know I am not the only one here with family dynamics. What should I do? Do I just let it go? Do I try to contact him again? I miss my brother but don't want to stir things up for either one of us. I would love to hear your thoughts. <br>
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In the same post I also wrote about seeing my grandma for what I thought would be the last time. This saddened me greatly because she is the only grandma I have ever known. I fondly call her Detroit granny because she is tough as nails. She wears bright red Avon lipstick and can put it on without a mirror. We once took her out to dinner and she got ribs. When she bit into them, she left red kiss marks all over them lol! Oh, I love her to pieces. So to think that I would lose the one grandma that loved me was gut wrenching. I wanted to tell her so bad that I was pregnant with twins when I saw her (especially when she poked fun at my waistline looking big). I held it in at my dad's request. Well, my dad decided after the boys were born that she <em>did</em> need to know and told her himself. She took the news of her granddaughter being a lesbo married to her "friend" and having babies like a champ! She called me and we had a long discussion about it and she said she would love me no matter what. She had met R before and said she loved her and was glad we had each other. We talk often on the phone and I am so relieved that I did not lose her. I felt like an a-hole (again) that we did not give her the benefit of the doubt. I think my dad was surprised too. She has not met the boys in person, but we send her tons of pics and sent her an album of the past year starting with the ultrasounds through their first birthday for her Christmas present. I hope she will come visit this year so the boys can meet Detroit granny and get covered in red lipstick kisses too! <br>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-15431605721256318612015-01-17T19:44:00.000-08:002015-01-17T19:45:39.466-08:00Bath timeOh, please excuse the dripping noise. It's just the sound of my heart melting...<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">LOVE these Ikea kid towel ponchos!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Captain Bubble Beard!</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-59387376547723547842015-01-05T20:02:00.002-08:002015-01-05T20:27:13.075-08:00Bringing Sexy Back On New Year's Eve, we did our usual routine and put the boys to bed. We drank beers and channel surfed until the clock struck 12. That's right folks, girls gone wild over here! You have to sign a waiver to enter this house....<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Gk1mLSsMPe0L5pWtKQbffsRRhIUK-vfuD9TmchPg4e4zTd6YAQQ5bHoq3QUKMVc599FjUJxWLlNwK0zaN1lZG3aRUWDKjs__dIEybsXlO5X6bdyn3xGIQyB-BWdze38VGzZyvc2kZ-M/s1600/moms-night-out1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Gk1mLSsMPe0L5pWtKQbffsRRhIUK-vfuD9TmchPg4e4zTd6YAQQ5bHoq3QUKMVc599FjUJxWLlNwK0zaN1lZG3aRUWDKjs__dIEybsXlO5X6bdyn3xGIQyB-BWdze38VGzZyvc2kZ-M/s1600/moms-night-out1.jpg" height="320" width="260" /></a>As the countdown started, we both jumped up and started dancing and counting backwards with the strangers on T.V. and our bff Taylor Swift. I felt a sudden burst of energy and was excited to ring in the new year. Why you ask??? Was it the fact that we have yet another chance to do things right? Nope. Was it the beer? Nah. Was it because TayTay is my new girl crush??? Maybe but probably not. It was because I was about to have sex! That's right, me and my wife did the do! I'm gonna be brutally honest (probably embarrassingly so for my DW). Sex has fallen <strike>to the wayside </strike>off a cliff this past year. While I was pregnant, my sex drive never went into "beast mode" like most women brag about. Our sex life slowly dwindled as I got bigger and the mechanics of it all became too much. Then came the 12 week postpartum period in which I felt like a goddess with an amazing bosom and slamming waistline. No kidding, I dropped all my pregnancy weight and then some. I was skinnier than I was in high school. I <strike>felt </strike> looked like a million bucks. Seeing my wife in a new light as a mom made her even sexier. Unfortunately, our inflated sex kitten egos were lost on us due to serious lack of sleep. When we tried, I was super self conscious about my breasts since I was breastfeeding. I didn't want anything weird to happen and the paranoia of my post baby body took over. Then we went on our first date sans boys. We shaved our legs, we wore each other's favorite perfume, put on secret lacy things and sadly fell victim to too much wine. I had a headache (really, I swear did!) and R was drunk. The next few dates went just the same with one or both of us passed out or puking. Hey! Don't judge, it's not our fault. We really rarely go out so when we do, we party like it's 1999 and Y2K is coming. <br />
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This time we didn't make plans, we didn't wear frilly things, and it was nice. Afterwards, we joked that we used to have sex more in one day than we did all last year. Yikes. We both laughed, but we both knew it was true. We have become <em>that </em>couple. The couple that gives sex for birthdays and anniversaries. We talked about it and both admitted that neither one of us feels sexy even though we still find each other attractive. It's hard for us to be intimate when we don't view ourselves as desirable anymore. Both of our libidos have taken a nose dive. We both want more intimacy in our relationship but as crazy as it sounds have not been able to find time for it. And this is where I think we have failed. We have failed to recognize that intimacy is a vital part of our relationship too. When we have a moment to spare, we give it to the dirty dishes, laundry, or whatever endless task there is to do instead of to each other. <br />
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We haven't fallen out of love with each other, but we may have fallen out of lust. Don't get me wrong, spooning and holding hands is awesome but we cannot survive on bread alone folks. So my new year's resolution is to carve out time for my wife and I. We have also both resolved to join the gym. (uuuuugh!) My wife is pretty athletic and is really happy when she's working out. ( I think she looks great already!) I think that when I become more confident in my body, I can truly appreciate and accept my wife's affection. Right now I am just not comfortable in my own skin so I don't want anyone else looking at it. I knew post baby body would be an issue, but I didn't think it would last this long. It's time to engage each other and ourselves again. I have decided that I need to let go of some things, if the dishes go one more day, or the bathroom is a mess then so.be.it. Our time is limited and I want to make the <strike>most</strike> best of it with my wife. I am glad we acknowledged it and we are working on it together. <br />
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So let's hear it: Have you or a loved one fallen victim to sexual underdrive? What did you do? Thoughts or advice on how to bring the sexy back?<br />
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Happy New Years! I hope that you spent it doing something (or someone) you love! ;)</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-68142909791999666042014-12-20T21:09:00.003-08:002014-12-20T21:09:34.782-08:00ONEThis year has wizzed by and I find myself yet again apologizing for the lack of posts. I really thought I'd be better at this! Oh well, it seems that I am that girlfriend that leaves you high and dry when a new flame comes around and then pops back into your life when it fizzles. (or in my case just takes a really long nap). <br />
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There are so many things I wanted to share if only I could remember. I cannot emphasize enough how vital the sticky pad has become to our survival. I went to the store no less than four times this week with the intentions of buying trash bags and guess what? We still have no trash bags. I have the attention span on a gnat. No joke. Anyways, I guess I will hit the highlights. Our state has legalized same sex marriage! It's official, we are officially married. No more filing double taxes, we can be on each other's insurance, we can be on the birth certificates together. I will admit that while I am ecstatic, I am also annoyed that we just shelled out over five grand in legal fees to do our second parent adoption and $500 for our legal name change. I want to sue the state for that money wasted on fighting for something that should've been ours in the first place! It is what it is and I am glad that we have those protections in place, although I still don't feel entirely safe it's a start.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh21Io7DP2EaPu-SIIbJi_OulasFR55ns2ieMIqUHOBZENf2bk3z7ru4GOgLWWVlBCzHeH5h2vCw5F8LZjiA_o8Y0gzfBhWKrpaD0We1sj1l_w24BHDXufNzldhntZb7NbXQV9FLN-6BM4/s1600/meme.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh21Io7DP2EaPu-SIIbJi_OulasFR55ns2ieMIqUHOBZENf2bk3z7ru4GOgLWWVlBCzHeH5h2vCw5F8LZjiA_o8Y0gzfBhWKrpaD0We1sj1l_w24BHDXufNzldhntZb7NbXQV9FLN-6BM4/s1600/meme.jpg" height="305" width="320" /></a>In the past year I have realized that my life, my house, and my body will never be the same but I can make them all look decent in about an hour. For real though, I am 30 minutes late to everything, my house is exploding at the seams with toys and laundry and I have three different sized pants because my weight has fluctuated so much. Leggings are my new best friend. I dress like I am going to the gym in hopes of one day actually getting there. I sacrifice looks for an extra few minutes of sleep and my hair is in a permabun. I wouldn't trade it for the world though.<br />
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And in other news..the boys are ONE!!! I cannot believe it! What an amazing year it has been with these two. They have just grown leaps and bounds. I really am in awe of them as people and the strides they have made. They both started walking around Thanksgiving, are babbling up a storm, blowing kisses and breaking hearts all around the world. Really, they are pretty stinking cute. They reach up to hold our hands when they walk and it melts me every time. I am so smitten with these little men. I just watched them in disbelief as they waddled in between everyone playing and laughing. Part of me loves that I can play with them more now and really talk to them and the other part of me wants them to stop growing. I totally get why people want another kid shortly after the first turns one. Unfortunately, that may not be in the cards for us for a while. We want one more, but these boys deserve our time and I want to be able to give them 100% of it. It's really hard to do what I need to do now (see trash bag story above), let alone with a third in the mix. So for now we will remain a party of four. I'll leave you with some pics of our party. I hope everyone is doing well and I will continue to cyber stalk each and everyone of ya'll! I look forward to hearing some special delivery news from a few of you soon <3. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-54269739879553847042014-12-20T19:38:00.001-08:002014-12-20T19:38:13.797-08:00PRIDEOur first time going to Pride as a family! (October, 2014) I know, I know, I'm really behind!<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-3127091450705228172014-09-27T21:51:00.000-07:002014-09-27T21:55:38.567-07:00Just a piece of paperWhen I met R, I had never been with a woman, I was previously married, and swore I would never remarry again. When we became serious, I told her I wanted children but still didn't want to be married. After having been divorced, I felt that a marriage license wouldn't protect anything and it was "just a piece of paper." I will admit, looking back, I was still feeling burnt from my previous relationships. We did finally decide to get married and going to D.C. to get our license was one of the most exciting days of my life. That "piece of paper" meant more to me than anything- maybe because so many people told us we couldn't have it or maybe because this time I knew it was for keeps. We celebrated our anniversary this year without any fuss and we still haven't opened our love box and read our letters but I pulled out our license and looked at it for a while-and my heart smiled. It is certainly more than a piece of paper to me.<br />
When we decided to have children, we knew we would have to take some action in order to protect our family. We didn't have a clue how much that would entail. We just happened to be at a rally and met a family lawyer that specialized in ART cases. We worked with her over the past year and finally as of August 19th we are both legally recognized as the parents of our own children. We got co-maternity agreements stating our intent to have children <i>before</i> we conceived. Now, this sounds ridiculous of course but here's the thing: since we did reciprocal IVF and the state does not recognize our marriage, we were considered an egg donor and surrogate. Which technically means that if god forbid something happened to me, R might not get custody because up until the "adoption" she was not on the birth certificate, and if something were to happen to R, even though I am on the birth certificate, I am not biologically their mom so if her family wanted them, they could get custody over me. Now I know that many of you are thinking that going through all this for hypothetical situations is silly, but as a nurse and a military dependent I can tell you that parental death is very real and it doesn't make an announcement before visiting. It was important to us to be prepared. And even though our families are cool with our situation right now, death, divorce, or whatever, can change people in an instant. It can make people turn on their loved ones no matter how strong the bond was. Also, if by chance I lost my job, the boys would lose their insurance and R wouldn't be able to put them on hers. All of these possibilities left us with a sense of urgency to get our affairs in order. Along with filing for the adoption, we did <a href="http://estate.findlaw.com/living-will/the-definition-of-power-of-attorney-living-will-and-advance.html" target="_blank">living wills and health care power of attorneys</a> for each other.<br />
We also had to terminate our sperm donor's pseudo relationship. The case was actually us vs. John Doe because we used an anonymous donor. I'm not sure if they did this because it's protocol, or because from the outside it just looks like a couple doing a closed adoption versus two lesbians adopting their own children. We had visits with a social worker and a guardian ad litem. The visit with the social worker was short and sweet although I felt that she really could've cared less due to the fact that we actually had to pay her a lot of cash for the visit. She was eccentric and talked like Paula Dean ya'll. She walked through our house and made comments about how the boys had nicely shaped heads-and that all african american babies have nicely shaped heads so our babies must be mixed. She then proceeded to talk about her high profile custody case that had been in the national news. We were familiar with it and I was shocked she was a key player in this situation as she was just so, err, um, eccentric. She also shared that she had done IVF and was a foster parent and we had nothing to worry about. With that she flitted out of our lives never to be seen again. Her placement report was clearly from a template and she had left the previous couple's info in it because according to her we were a "lovely Caucasian couple raising their children and practicing Judaism." That couple does sound lovely, but it wasn't us, so we had to wait while our lawyer fixed all our paperwork and filed our court date. The guardian ad litem was also very nice and much more down to earth. Although she was named after a legume....Anyways the court date came and we were informed that we had to have a plan b in case the judge gave off a bad vibe. Plan b was to politely ask for a continuance and hope pray beg for a better judge. So the lawyers went in and talked to them before we came in to get a feel for her. Even through the home visits and all the paperwork and background checks I hadn't been nervous or even mad-until now. Here we were, nine months in with our sweet little boys, and after all we had been through to have them, it struck me that there may be people out there that still don't view us as a family. It also struck me that we could be denied and everything was in vain. That scared me and made me furious at the same time. I couldn't imagine not being these little boys' mama. It still chokes me up to think about it. Well those fears were quickly put to rest when they came out and said it was a go! We had to both testify about our family and how we conceived. It was indeed awkward. However, the judge was awesome and she thought our family was lovely. (We dressed them up in hopes that their cuteness would distract the judge ha!) It was bittersweet. I was happy we were finally going to be protected by this piece of paper but mad that we even needed it. We haven't gotten the new birth certificates yet but we were already warned that the R's name will be listed under "father". Our legal system has unfortunately not caught up with the times. It will be nice to have their new birth certificates with both our names even if they are just pieces of paper.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-49324368609098919922014-09-15T08:16:00.001-07:002014-09-15T08:16:20.018-07:00Mattress DancingBefore the boys were born, I was adamant that we would not let the babies in the bed. We bought them cribs and I wanted to use them. I wanted one space in the house that was just for me and the wifey. Well, 9 months in and I can tell you that I failed at this pretty quickly. We are officially a co sleeping family. I have the boys 4 nights out of the week by myself while R works. I also have to get up and go to work myself after these long restless nights. The boys still do not sleep through the night-we get about 6-8 hours but they ultimately end up in the bed. R loves it and if I am not here I am sure she just bypasses the cribs altogether. It's not that I don't love their cuddles and their sweet little hands on my face, I just miss holding my wife too. We barely have time for each other as it is and the last thing on my mind is doin a little mattress dancin' with two babies in the mix. Aaagghhh but I digress.<br />
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Since we have two extra bodies in the bed we needed a bigger one. Granted, they are little, but they turn into olympic gymnasts at night. I often wake up to foot in the face. Our bed was on its last thread and we decided to upgrade to a king. Mattress shopping made me incredibly nervous. I was dreading it. Mainly because I knew two women shopping for a mattress would elicit questions like "where are your husbands?" or "that's nice of your friend to help you shop". I shit you not, we have encountered comments like these while ring shopping and car shopping. Soooo needless to say I was not super enthusiastic to yet again have to explain why we, two women, were looking for a mattress together. We went to several stores and finally settled on one.<span style="text-align: center;">The saleswoman was odd but pleasant and didn't bat a lash at us as a couple. Honestly, I think she was more grossed out by our kids. She kept looking at them like Angelica Houston in the movie "Witches". (remember that movie?!) Anyways, we found a mattress and were on our way. </span><br />
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Fast forward to 3 months later, we <strike>dislike</strike>, <strike>hate</strike>, <i><b>loathe</b></i> our new bed. It is too soft and after laying in it, our bodies leave dents that cause the babies to roll into us. R's back is killing her and I have a chronic crick in my neck. Luckily, the store offers a money back guarantee and we went back. Well, the odd saleswoman was replaced by another woman who didn't have her shoes on and was walking around in her socks. That shoulda been our first clue...<br />
We told her we bought a mattress and we hated it. She went to the computer and asked for a phone number. We both took turns talking to her and finally she said "whose mattress is this?'' We both said "ours". She looked up at us and then at our babies and you could tell it did not click. She then asked "how old are your babies?" I said 9 months and then she said "both of them?" ( We get the whole "are they twins?" thing a lot) I said yes and then she said oh which one is yours? I think R could see me getting annoyed and she quickly piped in "They are our twins and we are married to each other!" That shoulda been enough but sadly it just opened the flood gates: "Oh! so you adopted them?" no.no.no. "I carried them and we used her eggs". Apparently my eye rolls and dramatic jaw drop didn't phase her. She was amazed, "that's so cool!" but her ignorant thirst was not quenched and she pressed on: "Do you know who the dad is? They look really dark." O. M. effing. G. are you kidding lady??? I wanted so badly to pick up the shoe she wasn't wearing and slap her in the face.<br />
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Part of me wanted to educate her and share our story and the other part of me wanted to storm out. My family is not "cool" or "neat". If we had been a man and woman she wouldn't have asked any of those questions. Not because she already knew where their babies came from but because it's personal and inappropriate. I felt like she honestly thought we HAD to share our story with her. We somehow owe it to her and society to explain ourselves and our existence. If we didn't, then we were just more angry lesbians jaded by the world. Needless to say, the rest of the visit did not go well because I was stewing on the inside and we left without getting a new mattress. <br />
What would you have said? Would you have smiled and answered politely or would you have jumped on a mattress and shown her how babies are made? Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-61017225969946499142014-08-30T20:30:00.001-07:002014-09-15T07:54:32.088-07:00Leché<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So I have had a few people ask about induced lactation and seen a few posts about soon to be mommas wanting to try it. We consider ourselves a success story with this and this is our experience. We are by no means doctors, lactation consultants, or even certified in anything other than crazy so <strong>please</strong> remember to consult your doc and read the fine print (insert legal jargon here). <br />
There are various methods of induced lactation and depending on how much time you have before baby arrives, might help you choose which one is best for you. This <a href="http://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/gn_protocols.shtml" target="_blank"><span style="color: #9fc5e8;">website</span></a> is amazing and lays it all out for you. I highly recommend talking to you gyn, or finding a lactation consultant that is familiar with induced lactation and supports it. We saw 6 ob's in our practice and only one was familiar with <em>and</em> supported induced lactation. She chose the accelerated Newman-Goldfarb protocol for R and it worked really well. So she took Yasmin for two months straight minus the placebo pills. I'm not gonna lie, the yasmin tore her up-she felt awful and was glad to be done with them when the time came. The bc pills help simulate the hormone production of pregnancy. The first month was just bc pills then the second month was domperidone and bc pills. She took 20 mg four times a day. <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/domperidone-oral-route/description/drg-20063481" target="_blank"><span style="color: #e06666;">Domperidone</span></a> is a gastric motility medication. Milk production is a side effect of the drug not the actual reason people take it. It can even effect men and make them lactate as well! It had no other side effects and R didn't feel any different. There are some things circulating on the interwebs about cardiac issues and that's why it's not used for breastfeeding anymore but that is not true- the cardiac issues can be caused by I.V. Domperidone not the pill. The pill does need to be made by a compounding pharmacy and we had to have ours shipped from a pharmacy out of town-they cost about 100$ for a month supply. <br />
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We did notice breast changes, they were much fuller and tender. About 6 weeks out from our delivery date she started pumping on a 3 hour schedule. She worked night shift so this worked well for her. She was diligent and that is key folks. She gradually worked her way up to pumping 15 minutes each time and also did compressions and massage to help. At first it was just painful pumping with no milk to show for it and then one day BAM! Milk! Now here's the disclaimer: it's wasn't jugs and jugs of milk. Her cup did <em>not</em> runneth over. It was a drop...yup a drop! But hey, we were in business! She was so proud of this little pearl and so was I. It took about a week after that to get her up to 1-2 ounces each session. She would keep one bag in the fridge and then freeze it when it got full. We were later able to use this milk in the hospital when I wasn't making any.<br />
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Once the boys were born she and I both used the industrial <a href="http://www.medela.com/IW/en/breastfeeding/products/pumping/symphony.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #93c47d;">medela symphony</span></a> from the hospital and both got tubing kits from them. If your hospital does not have rentals you can try Babies R' Us or a medical supply store. R had to take the domperidone the <u>entire</u> time she breastfed and pumped. For some, just breastfeeding is enough to trigger production and you can stop taking the meds. We did notice that her milk looked more watery and less fatty but it did eventually accumulate fat. And eventually it tasted the same as mine too (yep we tasted it!). Would you feed your child something you wouldn't drink/eat yourself?! The boys had a terrible latch and we were not as diligent and to be honest, probably relied too much on pumping to get our supplies going instead of putting them to the breast. For R, breast feeding was not as magical as she hoped and that's ok. Breast feeding is hard ya'll! She also used fenugreek and mother's milk tea to try and boost her supply before she quit but she never made more than 2 ounces each session and quit. For a singleton this would've been a lot but with two, we burned through it-even with my contributions. She pumped and breast fed for about four months after the boys were here and that was super helpful. She is my super hero. I have read that moms that have breast fed before can just use pumping to get their supply going before baby comes. I believe this to be true considering how many moms leak even years after stopping milk production. <br />
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As for me, I am still pumping- quit breast feeding shortly after R, not by choice but one day the boys stop taking the boob. At first I didn't care, but then I got sad and frantically tried to get them back-they would take it at night when they were sleepy but then that eventually stopped too. I wish I had stuck with breast feeding but pumping gets the job done just as well. R had leftover meds so I am taking those to help boost my supply and I make lactation <a href="http://thecocinamonologues.com/2013/07/17/lactation-granola-bars/" target="_blank"><span style="background-color: white; color: #d5a6bd;">granola bars </span></a>every so often. At my peek I was pumping out about anywhere from 35-50 oz. a day ( as close to a cow as one could get) but I am down to about 20 oz. now. <br />
We were fortunate to have an ob that gave us this opportunity. Not many people know about induced lactation and people are always so shocked when we tell them about it. At first, we were scared to talk about it because we didn't want people to think we were weird. But then we became so proud that R was able to not only bond with but also nourish our babies that we started telling everyone. Of course, I don't think that she's a better person or parent or that the boys are better off for having been breastfed. I am just glad we had a chance to try it. If it's something you are interested in, it is possible just do your research and find what best suits your lifestyle. Our parents were very supportive even though I don't think at first they believed we would do it. And I honestly think they respect R more now for having done it. I hope this post helps answer some questions and if you still have some you can always email me @ <a href="mailto:justbeayoutiful@gmail.com">justbeayoutiful at gmail dot com. <br />
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I have added some new blogs to the roll call and am following along on new journeys into momhood. Keeping fingers crossed and hoping for good news for everyone! </a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-29416929116286621042014-08-19T18:12:00.004-07:002014-08-19T18:12:51.378-07:008 minutes<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That's how long it takes for us to get home from the hospital that the wife and I work at. It's also the hospital I gave birth at. Now that the fog has lifted and I can remember past 5 min ago, I can share some of the feelings I had bringing these babies home. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We had taken a class on child birth and had our bags packed but nothing and I do mean<em> nothing</em> prepares you for this life changing event. We had been scheduled to be induced but the boys had other plans. If I had known that the last nap at 12 am was the last nap I was ever going to have I woulda really made it count with an eye mask, some lavender oil and some Enya playing. Anyways, the reason I bring this up is because in retrospect we had really sh!tty postpartum care. I can say that now. Yes I am a nurse and my wife is a sonographer, but we do hearts not babies. I know <strike>something</strike> nothing about birthin babies. I woke up from anesthesia and had no clue what happened, where my babies were, what end they came out of and why I was in a separate room. My best friend surprised us with her gift of photography and captured everything. If not for these pics, I wouldn't remember much. After being wheeled into my room I was attempting to breast feed. No nurses came in to check on me, I was so hopped up on a morphine drip that I could barely hold my babies and my face had swollen so badly that I could barely see out of two slits that were my eyes. I had balls of fluid on top of my feet that jiggled when I moved. I had a vaginal delivery <i>and </i>a cesarean section. I had no clue if I had stitches or not and I couldn't bend down to see. (It wasn't until the next day that I found out that I did not). I remember the next day asking about a pump because I was not making any milk and the boys were not nursing well. Luckily they were getting some nutrition from R from induced lactation but their blood sugars kept dropping and were going to have to potentially get bottles and stay longer which we were trying to avoid. Even though we filled out a packet saying yes we wanted to strictly breastfeed, no one asked us how we were doing or if we needed help. Finally we called a lactation consultant and she helped both of us get milk going and our babies latching. God bless this woman. She was so kind and didn't bat an eyelash when we said we were both nursing and was excited to hear about induced lactation. It was the first time we didn't feel like a freak show. She said I should've started pumping after 6 hours post delivery but we were already well into the next day-oh well. I didn't eat until the second day and I think we had three meals total in the three days we were there. Why? Because I was delirious and I literally forgot to eat and so did R. Oh and don't expect your partner to have a clue either. She was just as dazed and confused as I was. Family, friends, doctors, lactation consultants, techs, lab techs, housekeeping, hell even the hospital photographer stayed for an hour...it's a revolving door. And don't expect your framily (thank you Sprint) to feed you or know what you need either. As far as they're concerned you can fend for yourself-there are babies to ogle and you're just in the way. Also, our hospital does rooming in which means there is NO NURSERY! The babies don't get whisked away for naptime..they are with you 24/7. Don't get me wrong- I loved having them there but we were beyond lunacy from sleep deprivation and really could have used some<strike> help</strike> <strike>guidance</strike> <strike>food</strike> sleep. So the point of all this bitching is this: DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. Ask your nurses questions and use family and friends if you choose to let them come visit. Put them to work and take as many naps as you can. In hind sight, we should've declined visitors but we felt so bad turning people away because they just wanted to celebrate our boys arrival. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It took forever to get discharged and the boys had to have a car seat test before they could go home. We went through all the supplies they pawned on us and returned the things that were unopened so we didn't get charged. Fact: if you open it you buy it. Nothing in the hospital </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">is free-from the Tylenol to the hospital water jug. It ALL cost something. I did take all the chuck pads though and we still use them in between layered crib sheets for the boys. When we finally left, I was relieved just to get home to our own little nest. The drive home was surreal. We played the Dave Matthews lullaby cd we had bought before they were born. I kept looking back at the car seats and couldn't believe that they were finally carrying passengers. The babies screamed the entire 8 minutes and I sobbed uncontrollably. Not really sure why, I was just so overcome with emotions that we had done it-finally made a family, then overcome with fear that we had no clue what the hell we were doing and it was too late to turn back. Sounds shitty I know, but the fear of the unknown for a control-freak type A like myself can be downright crippling. My mom followed us home and helped us get settled in and then promptly left with a smug grin on her face as she waved "toodaloo". R and I looked at each other wide eyed like two deer in head lights and waited for the instructions to come over the intercom and the flight attendant to kindly </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">show us the emergency exits. They never came- we are still waiting. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't have any other major advice to give because like I said <em>nothing</em> will prepare you for the mind blowing experience that is child birth. Just like your conception stories-your birth stories will be just as individualized and only you can write it.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-39129531505734521582014-08-16T18:52:00.001-07:002014-08-16T18:52:39.948-07:00We're baaaaaaaaackkkkkk!(Cue Eminem) Guess who's back? back again....So I promised myself that I wouldn't be that mom that has kids and lets go of their identity, mind, body, but I did turn into that mom and momentarily let go of all of those things. I have tried to come back several times, but honestly I am so in love with my babes that everything else is a far second. But I am back-renewed and ready to spill my guts. I can't wait to rekindle our love and reunite-that is if you'll still have me? <br />
So last time we chatted I had just given birth-literally. The boys are eight-yes count 'em eight months now! I wish I could play a fancy smancy music montage with clever music-"When I grow Up" by the Beach boys comes to mind to catch you up to speed on our lives but I can't. So I will just touch the highlights for now and then come back and retropost when I can. We had 12 weeks of maternity leave, the best time of our lives although we didn't know it at the time. R went back first and then me. I cried like a well- you know what the first day and it was such a double edged sword being there. Part of me was glad to be functioning and I missed the familiarity of work oriented tasks and part of me was sad I had a bra on. Ya feel me? I rubbed myself in their lavender burts bees baby lotion and sniffed myself when I got sad. I only work three 12 hour shifts a week, but it is still hard to be away from them.<br />
We try to get out as much as possible but with two it is HARD. There is so much crap to tote, and when they both melt down or poop their pants (and on my shirt) at the same time you can fuhgeddaboutit! Since me and R are on opposite schedules for babysitting purposes, it's usually only one of us with the boys. R and I are two ships passing in the night. It works for now, but we are hoping to get a better system going soon. Besides work and babies, I was also in school-oh yeah folks. I was certifiably cookoocachoo this year. Let me paint you a pic: me pumping and typing a paper and rocking a baby with my foot at the same time. Tired is the understatement of the century. R was even sleep walking one time and I woke her from swaddling an imaginary baby with her bath robe. Ah good times friends. But we did it! I graduated last week and am so glad it's over with and under my belt. <br />
O has terrible reflux and we have been on a roller coaster of meds and homeopathic remedies to help him. He is smaller than his counterpart but he is still hitting all of his milestones none the less and is crawling and babbling up a storm. P is a chunk and eats his food and his brother's leftovers lol. He is much quieter but you can see his wheels turning and taking the room in. He is content to sit and play rather than explore. He grabs food with his dimpled hands and chews it with his two little nubby teeth. They surprise us with new sounds and movements and every day is adventurous with them. <br />
Our families have fallen in love with them and it is amazing to see them interact. I never thought in a million years this would be my life. <br />
I know this post was cray and all over the place but my mind is not nearly as sharp as is used to be. Prego brain has turned into postpartum brain and I'm lucky I have spell check on this thing...<br />
I definitely plan on blogging more often and still have lots to share so I hope you'll keep checking back and I will continue to check in and keep my fingers crossed for my blogland friends waiting for good news! I missed you all so much and am glad to be back. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-55068131782049747502013-12-16T12:21:00.001-08:002013-12-16T12:21:37.922-08:00They're Here!!!!!!They're here! I haven't been able to update in forever. Let's recap:<br />
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<li>They were unsure about their growth so I started seeing a specialist each week. He recommended I don't go past 37 weeks.</li>
<li>Went to regular ob and set a date for induction-both still head down. Babies are measuring small and apparently 1.5 lbs apart. We set the date for Dec 11 to be induced. </li>
<li>The wifey and I have one last date friday night and get mani-pedis and got to our first date spot :)</li>
<li>Sat night R goes to work and I'm prepping the house. I am supposed to work (yes you read that right, I was still working!) on Monday so I am trying to get everything done before Christmas.</li>
<li>I wake up at 1 in the morning and feel like I peed my pants....call the doc who doesn't sound amused when I say I <i>think</i> it broke but I'm not sure-how the hell should I know??? It wasn't like on tv-there was no tsumani of fluid but just a constant trickle. </li>
<li>Drove myself to the hospital and met my wife who was already there working. Contractions 2 min apart at this point. </li>
<li>Let's add a sprinkle of pitocin, epidural and boom 10 hours later I am bing wheeled into the OR to push. Baby P came vaginally with about 6 pushes. Baby O got into some trouble and I couldn't get him out so he was a c-section. I got both experiences with one pregnancy! It was pretty crazy but and I had to be put under but I woke up an hour later and they were ready to be placed in my arms. Unbelievable. We are so in love. They are beautiful. 4 lbs 10 oz each-couldn't believe it and only 1/2 inch difference! </li>
<li>They are doing great and we came home on time and are just enjoying every moment with them. </li>
<li>If this feels like a whirlwind post, that's because that is our life right now and we wouldn't change it for the world!</li>
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There is so much more to talk about but I just can't stand to be away one more minute from these little snuggle bears. So without further ado here they are:</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-54682800898205337042013-11-21T16:51:00.001-08:002013-11-21T17:09:32.919-08:00Chugging AlongSo we haven't been on here in a while, but I've definitely been keeping up with everyone's updates and I am so happy to see all the wee lil' babes! Everything is moving along s.l.o.w.l.y. here. At our 32 week appointment everything seemed to be looking great, but it wasn't so good this time around. We are 34 weeks today and the babies are measuring very small (3rd and 9th percentile). They were 4 lbs 2 oz and 4 lbs 8 0z. I can't believe I have 8 lbs of baby in there! I have another appointment with a high risk OB on Wednesday. Baby A has only gained 3 oz in two weeks and baby B has gained 9 0z. I am a little nervous that I have IUGR. My belly still looks small even though I can hardly change positions without the help of my wife. <br />
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I am still working full time and almost done with school for this semester. I am hoping all goes well on Wednesday and they don't want to put me on bed rest. I just want to get them to 36 weeks! (plus I want to stuff my face on Turkey Day) So please cross your fingers for us that they grow like weeds in the next few days :) I am feeling so nervous as the braxton hicks come and go and can't believe that we will be a family of four by Christmas. It is truly surreal. Even as my belly rolls like waves in the ocean, it still hasn't sunk in. I just feel so lucky and can't believe we are going to be moms! I am so looking forward to cuddling these little boys and nuzzling their little necks-it just fills my heart thinking about it. <br />
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R is doing great with the induced lactation and is a milk making machine! We are so excited although she has to pump every 3 hours from here until the babies come. It has been relatively easy though. (easy for me to say!) I am so glad that it's working and she will get to feed them too, it's a bond for not only her and the babies but for me and her as well. I am really proud of her for sticking with it. Well that's all for now but I can't wait to hear about more positive pee sticks and birth stories! <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNwg3kIC4iqvYgNmS3lG5ziZz5pg73bYfS6DleeGHdvnSfTJU6Lkw032hvCCZseHvrdbZ65wNqmCRAyqQDIMJu1kU5yHmjvtkoG1ak_6PzfePc99sYAG4MMQJHI_wv5G64efwzeb5bMvE/s640/blogger-image-2068345776.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNwg3kIC4iqvYgNmS3lG5ziZz5pg73bYfS6DleeGHdvnSfTJU6Lkw032hvCCZseHvrdbZ65wNqmCRAyqQDIMJu1kU5yHmjvtkoG1ak_6PzfePc99sYAG4MMQJHI_wv5G64efwzeb5bMvE/s640/blogger-image-2068345776.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFwg4JTjVMBK0E8ErzlSXPyGghcSrpykkOUY1jJbRpNJCm6_C_mOJWzdpeKlT0Q1dvEg3g4w1l5w0Dw9kYf_MeRnnYnfxo4QRHaYRGdySqzUF5VGpmObGJ46bBfeNUqrIKOwgCLPbFCr8/s640/blogger-image-1391932980.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFwg4JTjVMBK0E8ErzlSXPyGghcSrpykkOUY1jJbRpNJCm6_C_mOJWzdpeKlT0Q1dvEg3g4w1l5w0Dw9kYf_MeRnnYnfxo4QRHaYRGdySqzUF5VGpmObGJ46bBfeNUqrIKOwgCLPbFCr8/s640/blogger-image-1391932980.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5AR2cL-xj0r_LBciboFRbEaidNf4juAqc2-Yh4tEeRnCwV-A4Gb94gIc_z-EsquvoAdvB24lttjWK4MM22605h7EnxV65it_KJV4vV9TwEt4zkoIUdzO0I65s0zv6IA4YmULCJfOh4k4/s640/blogger-image-1806466835.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5AR2cL-xj0r_LBciboFRbEaidNf4juAqc2-Yh4tEeRnCwV-A4Gb94gIc_z-EsquvoAdvB24lttjWK4MM22605h7EnxV65it_KJV4vV9TwEt4zkoIUdzO0I65s0zv6IA4YmULCJfOh4k4/s640/blogger-image-1806466835.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1IWGmdSJaNucciMc5nhT12ONh2VKx6UL6MU2SCLJVamEt8CnXbl2CxYB50V7iiWGco5Aq1sVwoC1A9blJbB9s8wbTg-Wzl8rKWpp-JNYFD-di7CnYRbfgX09lL9vkBas38y0Ab43yczw/s640/blogger-image-2003111790.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1IWGmdSJaNucciMc5nhT12ONh2VKx6UL6MU2SCLJVamEt8CnXbl2CxYB50V7iiWGco5Aq1sVwoC1A9blJbB9s8wbTg-Wzl8rKWpp-JNYFD-di7CnYRbfgX09lL9vkBas38y0Ab43yczw/s640/blogger-image-2003111790.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjombeOKz_IbAZDiIj3jSc0Ka1zPl3aNXgRGl13-dGZ3j2fvU-dw-PvK04NaI-RZQY64X25FN92Y8nysnAnvXfpYqvvxJDRc57QRu8tXy-MwLkaGOoBfvLtfxAJNJzfouW8ZaXaVmpVjLE/s640/blogger-image--484220309.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjombeOKz_IbAZDiIj3jSc0Ka1zPl3aNXgRGl13-dGZ3j2fvU-dw-PvK04NaI-RZQY64X25FN92Y8nysnAnvXfpYqvvxJDRc57QRu8tXy-MwLkaGOoBfvLtfxAJNJzfouW8ZaXaVmpVjLE/s640/blogger-image--484220309.jpg" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-4551046002958736802013-10-19T23:11:00.001-07:002013-10-19T23:12:40.191-07:00Our Favorite ThingsWe had our birthing class today! I don't know that we learned anything new, but it was nice to do this class together. It was at the hospital I work at and of course we were the only same sex couple. This wasn't a problem as no one including some of the other moms seemed interested in being there. (It's football season and we live in a college town.) Everyone had their phones out checking scores. We watched some gory videos and took a tour of the OR and labor and delivery rooms. It was a good experience. I am getting really excited about these boys coming and can't believe this part of the journey is almost over!! We have our 30 week appointment on Wednesday and I am praying that they are still head down. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxtbzbL2IksylQu_d3Du0ugNlSgJwEwHqT0iBYSkH1NsE9Um5BRFDXztW12m1fzPPrwVKah1n-1M6tuff7mZczyXYTQQLms6Mmt41wLWsBWSdN4_Ul8Wt7QEmNcBKNBcVc4TE3a67F6bA/s1600/image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxtbzbL2IksylQu_d3Du0ugNlSgJwEwHqT0iBYSkH1NsE9Um5BRFDXztW12m1fzPPrwVKah1n-1M6tuff7mZczyXYTQQLms6Mmt41wLWsBWSdN4_Ul8Wt7QEmNcBKNBcVc4TE3a67F6bA/s1600/image.jpg" /></a></div>We have gotten so many awesome buys/gifts over the last few weeks that I thought I'd share some of our faves so far. Consider this my favorite thing episode! And if I had the moola I would buy all of you one of each....<br />
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I bought this ring sling and we are psyched about baby wearing!<br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.HelveticaNeueUI'; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px; white-space: nowrap;"><a href="http://www.sweetpearingsling.com/" target="_blank">http://www.sweetpearingsling.com/</a></span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIfzAJtjYguEoM70jRumsAmUICodlwM0l17ligQi4sj2bGpikTRJQclmoNTkrOcXdpd6jobGeugsFj_Tx60qcihvXPRChgUA9MLhVdpLO4_vRNp0ZSPSnZnFIghMxJSX8jmgqKTq0FmHQ/s1600/image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIfzAJtjYguEoM70jRumsAmUICodlwM0l17ligQi4sj2bGpikTRJQclmoNTkrOcXdpd6jobGeugsFj_Tx60qcihvXPRChgUA9MLhVdpLO4_vRNp0ZSPSnZnFIghMxJSX8jmgqKTq0FmHQ/s1600/image.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">R practicing with our fur baby :)</td></tr></tbody></table><div style="text-align: left;"><span id="goog_1210376804"></span><span id="goog_1210376805"></span>This line of toys is awesome! We got this <a href="http://justb-byou.com/toys/lively/global-glowball/" target="_blank">globe</a> that plays 37 songs from different countries. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPVngSp-S-5tGqA75DjUIZEOnjBwWa2VvTwS6VdlBGsdJvHb3Bwjwzz9kajc371Q-BbQSFnfAcdzeCDI-c_5pSbLLvyAMkyWDrpVqrac5YVFgJWHezJYOlbMf3bAUZlyZD9Viz_ltEJTE/s1600/image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPVngSp-S-5tGqA75DjUIZEOnjBwWa2VvTwS6VdlBGsdJvHb3Bwjwzz9kajc371Q-BbQSFnfAcdzeCDI-c_5pSbLLvyAMkyWDrpVqrac5YVFgJWHezJYOlbMf3bAUZlyZD9Viz_ltEJTE/s1600/image.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We got these rockers as a gift and we are going to put these in the bedroom with us in the beginning. </div><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a><span id="goog_847614978"></span><span id="goog_847614979"></span><br />
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And last but not least, I got these ADORABLE closet organizers from purple possom on Etsy! If you look closely, you can see the monacles and mustaches on the whales-so classy ;)<br />
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Well, that's all for now! Keep those birthing stories coming! And wishing lots of baby dust to those in the TWW right now :) Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-48829231382072899832013-10-14T06:54:00.000-07:002013-10-14T06:54:09.871-07:00Spinning babiesOMG! Here we come third trimester! We had our appointment last week and all is well with the womb. The boys are measuring 2lbs. 7 oz and 2 lbs. 9 oz. I've got 5lbs worth of baby going on! I can't believe it. They are moving and kicking up a storm in there. The last appointment I went to they were both breech and I was pretty nervous about the thought of having a scheduled c-section. I really want to try and labor for a bit even if it does end in a c-section. I googled everything possible to get these guys to turn around and found this <a href="http://spinningbabies.com/" target="_blank">website</a>. It is pretty amazing. I've been standing on my head (literally) a few times a week for a minute and this appointment they were both head down :) I felt pretty silly at the time but it worked, now they just need to stay that way. We go every 2 weeks now so we shall see. Some other things I'm tempted to try if they don't stay head down: moxa sticks, accupuncture, more headstands, and a chiropractic visit. I also had the ob measure my tummy and I am measuring 34 weeks which is right on track for twins at 28 weeks.<br />
Well that's all for now...feeling much better since the last post about coming into my own as a mom. Thanks for all the encouragement! We are rounding the corner and I am started to <strike>freak out </strike> get excited! SO happy to see everyone's birth stories popping up and can't wait for more!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-19478683441837129322013-10-05T17:30:00.000-07:002013-10-05T17:30:11.691-07:00Head ScratcherSo if there is one thing I have learned over the past few weeks is that I may not be very maternal...yikes. I am having a hard time with this. I am super excited about these babies but I am not feeling very maternal yet. Is that weird? My wife is nesting like a mad woman while I just sit by and watch. I am not sure what is happening. Maybe I am tired? I've been working overtime trying to save up. I still don't <i>feel </i>very prego. My wife keeps telling me that I look pregnant, but it wasn't until yesterday someone actually asked me if I was. I am 27 weeks and have gained 2 lbs. I have to keep reminding myself there are two of them in there! I was overweight to begin with and I know that has a lot to do with it, but it psychologically messes with me. I don't have heartburn, or any swelling or the usual complaints of a woman in her third trimester. It sounds strange but this makes me sad. I know that others would be grateful for this, but this is my one and only pregnancy and I just haven't felt very pregnant. I think I just had what my pregnancy would be like idealized in my head and it is not.at.all. what I imagined. It is unfathomable to me that we will go from just the two of us to a family of four in two months and I don't feel anything. What is wrong with me??? I can't figure out if I my pregnancy and parenting fears aren't allowing me to feel joy. I wanted this sooooo badly and I look around and see all this baby stuff and just cannot wrap my head around this. Has anyone else experienced this? If so, is this normal? Will it change? Is it hormones? We have a birthing class next week and maternity photos in November. I hope this will help jump start me. It just makes me sad that I even <i>need</i> to be revved up for such an awesome thing. I really hope I am just in a funk and this will pass. Trust me, I know I sound like big whining baby right now but I would love to hear your experiences or thoughts on this.<br />
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I'll leave you with some happy pics...<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pride 2013</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pride 2013</td></tr>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-5021887618837045892013-09-21T21:31:00.002-07:002013-09-21T21:31:26.767-07:00High/Low Wow....we are 25 weeks and 4 days! I can't believe that we are this far along! Let's recap the last month high/ low style shall we?<br />
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High: Me and the wife celebrated our one year anniversary! We went back to where we got engaged and read our letters we wrote to each other the night before we got married. We locked them in a box and saved them for this day. Time flies and we are just amazed at how much our lives have changed and what is in store for us! I love her so much and know she's gonna be an amazeballs mamma.<br />
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Low: To make a very long story short, we have been fighting back and forth with R's family. There is no rationalizing with irrational people. We couldn't agree to disagree and unfortunately, they decided it would be best if we part ways. They have officially cut us off. The only family member that came to our shower was her mom. R is having a very hard timewith this and I'm not sure how to help her. I just keep thinking that once the boys are here and she sees their little faces some of the pain will fade.<br />
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High: We made it to 24 weeks! Viability! Measuring right on track. We are super excited that these little boys are getting bigger. 1 lb 5 oz each last week.<br />
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Low: I had been having the WORST pain on my right side and had to call out of work for the first time in 2 years. I was scared but as a nurse couldn't bring myself to go to the ER and wait. I had R do an ultrasound because I thought it was my gallbladder. Turns out it was my kidney. Baby B has been making himself comfortable on it and it was swollen and my ureter was backed up causing grade II hydronephrosis. We showed the doc my ultrasound and she said there's not much else to do but lay on my left side and drink water to flush it out as much as possible. The treatment is worse than the problem: a kidney drain. It comes and goes but I am feeling better.<br />
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High: I passed my glucose test! 'Nuff said there<br />
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Low: A lot of people that we invited besides family did not come to our shower . I was a little disappointed that we've been really good friends and gone to great lengths to maintain these particular friendships and it doesn't feel reciprocated. Some are in the middle of their own TTC days and I think it stung the "lesbians did it before them". (One person expressed this already) You make time for the things and people that are important. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and my loyalty for my friends runs deep, I guess to a fault sometimes.<br />
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High: We had an amazing shower today and the people that did come were awesome and super generous.<br />
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Low: School is kicking my a$$ ya'll. I was super stoked to start and now I am wondering what the hell I've done to myself because I forgot how much I despise writing papers. I have to stick with it though because I know how important it will be down the road.<br />
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High: R started her meds for induced lactation. She should be able to breastfeed and pump by the time the boys are here. We are pumped about this-pun intended. ;)<br />
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High: The nursery is almost done! We are doing a map/travel theme and everytime I walk into the room<i>, </i>I feel giddy. It is adorbs! I really wanted a hot air balloon mobile but they are so expensive. R has been channeling her inner Martha Stewart and taught herself to sew. We made this amazing mobile together (well mostly her..I glued the ribbons on).<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">mobile sneek peak!</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT3-P58c_gTNH_NWBrVH0MfPuLWmHHJkRSTHMsYaiDCeo1CDmVXCr2iFpspH3WmcSGzhR6SnVMZaqVyDREQIySJeE_Q1bFvpLk_mkWhCRXnn8beb7gNA4BHeBdzcxIH9LalnvA-auY86c/s1600/octo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT3-P58c_gTNH_NWBrVH0MfPuLWmHHJkRSTHMsYaiDCeo1CDmVXCr2iFpspH3WmcSGzhR6SnVMZaqVyDREQIySJeE_Q1bFvpLk_mkWhCRXnn8beb7gNA4BHeBdzcxIH9LalnvA-auY86c/s1600/octo.JPG" height="149" width="200" /></a><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lesbian carpentry at its finest! </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">one of the maps going up with our favorite fisherman's lamp! </td></tr>
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Highest High: They are on the move! I was so worried that I would never feel them, let alone R. I've been feeling them squirm a teensy bit but now it feels like my tummy is a cement mixer and they kick and punch so hard that R can feel them in her sleep. Each time they move it's a reminder of this amazing role we have been chosen to fill as mommas. I cannot wait to meet them and be a complete family.<br />
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So that's it-you're officially caught up. I'm so excited to see everyone moving right along and seeing all these new stork landings! Congrats to all the new mommas and papas out there!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-58644827110231980242013-08-15T23:17:00.000-07:002013-08-15T23:17:20.061-07:00Bargains and BabesWhere should I begin? How about where we left off last time...The situation between R and her mom is psuedo resolved for now. I'm not completely satisfied with her "apology" but R is and I have to be content with that. As of right now she is re-invited to the shower and is still blocked from FB but is minding her p's and q's. Even after showing R's mom the communication we had with R's aunt she was still confused as to why we weren't inviting her to the shower. She said we should at least invite her and hope she doesn't come. ummm what??!! I give up. On to the good stuff...<br />
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I forgot to mention on the last post that our 16 week visit with the OB was awesome! She was actually the one person that responded to my email over a year ago in my secret lezzie group! At the time she was a 4th year resident. She had no idea who we were when we went to the appointment but we introduced ourselves quickly and she was more than happy to divulge she and her partner just had a baby last year! We also asked about induced lactation for R and she was super excited. She is the only doc in our practice that does it. We will start R on meds around 30 weeks and will hopefully both be able to breastfeed. We felt super comfortable and best of all she invited us to a lesbian mom club. SCORE!!!<br />
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Speaking of clubs, we also joined a twins club in our city and it was a little overwhelming. Everyone was very accepting but we had a few awkward moments explaining who was pregnant and that R was not my "friend" or "support". We joined just in time to get into a HUGE consignment sale and got some serious finds! Also, a co worker of R's gave us a brand new car seat unused. We just need to get a match and find a double stoller which has been a little more difficult than we thought. We registered today and I only had 2 meltdowns....that's progress friends. We started on the nursery painting and got an amazing rocker (craiglist find) from pottery barn! We are doing a map/travel theme in mint and orange. My mom came up for 2 days to help, but unfortunately I was sooo tired and feeling like poo, I was not much help. I'm hoping this second wind everyone keeps talking about comes soon.<br />
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Our 20 week appointment was yesterday and found out that we are for sure having 2 boys! I can't believe it and am way more excited than I could ever imagine. They were measuring right on track and looked beautiful. My belly is starting to get rounder and firmer and I feel more connected. I just assumed that since I was the pregnant one I would automatically feel bonded but it has taken me longer than I thought. I don't know if it was because of the IVF whirlwind or the family drama but all that aside now, I am feeling like a momma. Still no serious movement but lots of weird sensations, like my guts shifting or something. R has been amazing and puts up with my crazy mood swings, although I think she is having more cravings than me! Our 1 year anniversary is next week and I cannot believe how fast it went. I'm so excited to start this new chapter in our lives. I start school next week and am feeling pretty excited. I also decided to put my name on the day shift list and am looking forward to being on a normal schedule. It's gonna help in the long run with the daycare issue. I'm hoping R will come to days to so we aren't two ships passing in the night. So that's it for now. Hope all is well in the blogosphere!<br />
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I'll leave you with some pics of our super bargains and babies!<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-4719967003263842832013-08-03T21:23:00.000-07:002013-08-03T21:23:34.376-07:002 Tears in a Bucket...Soooo remember in a previous post me and the wife were denied our name change request? Well we went to court and guess what? We won! The previous judge just wrote on a sticky note (that's right-we here in SC spare no expense) "same sex marriage?". The judge thought that by us having the same name we would try to dupe the system in some way and get benefits. Our lawyer told us not to worry, R met all the statutory requirements and if they didn't approve it this time they would have to provide a court order stating why and no judge in their right mind could use same sex marriage as their reason. We got a new judge and she took five minutes to ask R some questions and approved the name change. We were elated! Me, my wife, and our children will have the same last name and we couldn't be happier.<br />
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My wife posted on FB about how excited she was and thanked our supporters who had been rallying behind us over the past few weeks leading up to our court date. Well, her aunt decided to write a negative comment and state that she was "disappointed " and one of our friends chimed in saying "don't let haters rain on your parade" to which R's mother chimed in and told our friends to "shut the hell up" and "the only reason people like this is because it's cool and trendy". Ummmmm WHAT????? I must have missed that edition of Cosmo highlighting cool and trendy lezzies struggling to make families with no rights and benefits. She also wrote a bunch of other shit that I can't even get into right now because even after a week I am still stewing. R just saw her family the week before and no one said a word to her about the name change and in fact said they were excited about the babies. When R tried to contact her aunt she refused to talk on the phone and instead texted her. She said that the babies are not mine and should have R's last name. We are not married in this state and she is still a Miss not a Mrs. We are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and last but not least, that when you go against the wind you should expect some blowback and R was being prejudiced against heterosexual views. I was devastated.....R was devastated. Her mom was not any better, she said she was just concerned about R and is so afraid of getting hurt but couldn't say who she thought was going to hurt her( although I still think she's implying me). She also said she's worried about the second parent adoption, umm like we aren't??? I have many problems with this mainly because if I was a man, none of this would have even been an issue. R's mom has never publicly supported us and not until everyone changed their pics to equality signs on FB did she ever even mention her own daughter-when it was "cool and trendy" . She also has never gone to a rally or wrote her local congressman (to whom they are directly RELATED) expressing her concerns for her daughter's rights. She justified what her sister said to R and herein lies the biggest problem. R does not cry often, she doesn't get worked up but this pushed her over the edge. The babies aren't even here yet and if anyone were to try and hurt them I would claw their eyes out ya'll! For R's mother to hear and see how hurt her daughter was at the hands of her own family and not feel the least bit of sympathy is unfathomable to me. She couldn't even apologize and said she was just stressed out but when R said that was not a good enough excuse, she hung up on R not once, not twice but three times.<br />
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We have actually had a similar situation with her mom before. I actually blocked her from my FB but R made me unblock her so she could see posts about the babies. I didn't want to because she writes inappropriate stuff on there all time (jerry springer style). She is embarrassing and R is constantly going behind her cleaning up her social messes. A little background: R's mom has had depression since she was a teenager and may have some mania sprinkled in there as well. She is heavily medicated and when she acts poorly, she blames it on not taking her meds or being depressed. Her family cottles her because they think she is so fragile and just let her run amuck. She is never held accountable and it's getting old. I don't understand why they felt the need to use our own personal post as their political platforms. They all hid behind their computer screens and refused to answer their phones and we have not spoken to them since. She also texted R the next day and said she wanted to come up and get a pedicure like nothing ever happened!!! And then her aunt texted R a few days later saying she didn't want to talk her because it was "too emotional for her" and that R needed to call her mother and "make her feel better"! SAY WHAT????? I cannot make this ish up. R has just chosen to ignore them right now.<br />
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I hurt for R. She is so sad. I thought these babies would bring our families together. I never in a million years thought it would go in this direction. We took my name and planned on using R's maiden name as one of the boy's first names as well as incorporating my own dad's name. (It was going to be a surprise) We gave a lot of thought to this with consideration for both of our families. They have sucked the joy out of it for me. After going through this with my own brother, it is easy for me to say cut them out. I was really sad but now I am thankful that my brother removed himself instead of subjecting me and my family to his hateful comments. And I recently had a come-to Jesus meeting with my parents as well letting them know that being "tolerated" not accepted will not be good enough for our children and they have chosen to get on board. I realize this is R's mom but I just won't tolerate anyone treating our family less than and expecting us to just take it. I am so tired of having to think of everyone else before we do anything-it's time to put our family first. I don't know what we'll do about R's mom but as far her aunt goes, I am done. Ever hear the saying "two tears in bucket..." (I'll let you google the rest)<br />
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So what do you think? I realize there are always two sides but R is torn. I can't be around this stress and all I wanna do is enjoy this pregnancy without me and R being lashed out at. Would you cut your own mother out? I'm afraid that an apology this time might not be enough.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-87160523345653087272013-07-28T16:24:00.002-07:002013-07-28T16:24:53.953-07:00Boy oh boy! So much to post but not enough time in a day! We are almost 18 weeks but I figured I'd post this anyway....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We had our gender scan at 16 weeks and it looks like it's gonna be two little boys! Baby B definitely has outdoor plumbing but Baby A was not very cooperative so there is a teeny tiny chance it's a girl. I'm happy either way , it just means we will definitely try again for a girl! They did say that baby A's placenta is anterior so I may not feel movement as early as most. I still haven't gained a pound (lost a total of 12 lbs) and I'm in the middle between kind of looking pregnant and like I ate too much. It makes for an awkward moment when someone tries to pat my stomach and I have to remind them they aren't that big and they're really patting my fat lol! I had to buy a small tank top to accentuate my little bump for this pic. I can't wait to feel some movement and get a real bump! </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-62735062313817589272013-07-28T11:50:00.000-07:002013-07-28T11:50:19.999-07:00Better Late Than Never?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am so late with this! But I’ve been nominated for the Liebster Award! Thanks to <a href="http://piecesofreligion.wordpress.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: magenta;">Rachael</span></a><span style="color: magenta;">,</span> <span style="color: cyan;"><a href="http://ourjourneytobecomemommies.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">B</a></span>, and <a href="http://ourbabymakinjourney.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">Lexi&Sara</span> </a>for the nominations! I truly love this blog and the connections I have made through it. This is a way for small bloggers to give recognition to other small bloggers (200 followers or less). Here’s how it works:</div>
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Copy & Paste This Whole Post and Replace All Your Information — who awarded you, for example.</div>
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The rules:</div>
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1. Thank the Liebster Blog presenter who nominated you and link back to their blog.</div>
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2. Post 11 facts about yourself, answering the 11 questions you were asked and create 11 questions for your nominees.</div>
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3. Nominate 11 blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen.</div>
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4. Display the Liebster Award logo.</div>
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5. No tag backs meaning you can’t just re nominate the person who nominated you.</div>
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As Solo the First put it “The real purpose behind these nominations are not only as an accolade from a fellow blogger and let’s face it, nothing gently strokes our little writer hearts more than someone telling you they appreciate your work. In addition to the back patting we need to receive from time to time, it also allows us to get a little more personal as we get to know our increasing blogging community. It also helps drive traffic to your site as we reference one another.”</div>
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The questions put forth to me (with my answers) are as follows:</div>
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1) Paper Book or Electronic? Paperback fo sho'! I love the feel and smell of a book. I bend my books all the way back until the spine is creased, yep I'm that girl. </div>
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2) Who would you have dinner with if you could pick anyone ever? Probably my mother's father. He disowned us early on and I know nothing about that side of the family. I've got a few things to say to him, but mostly I want to know about my fam.</div>
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3) What kitchen utensil would you be? A silicone spoon...seriously get one. </div>
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4) If you met the president, what would you say to him? Thanks for the birth control, free breast pump, marijuana and marriage recognition. (high five)</div>
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5) What’s the hardest lesson you have had to learn in your life? That blood isn't thicker than water. </div>
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6) What’s the best decision you ever made? Going back to school and getting my nursing degree. </div>
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7) What’s your favorite musical? Phantom of the Opera. I cry everytime I hear "Think of me"</div>
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8) What’s your biggest pet peeve? Loud chewing...it's called misophonia. Oh, and messy sandwiches, if I take a bite and the guts fall out the bottom, someone is gonna die.</div>
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9) What’s your greatest accomplishment? Marrying my wife. That probably sounds strange, but I was so scared to hold her hand in public let alone marry her and finally I had to let go of what people thought and live my life. </div>
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10) Where do you see yourself in 15 minutes? Still on this couch with no bra on.</div>
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11) Where do hope to be in your life by the time you are retired? Retired? What's that? I will probably work in some capacity until I die. But as long as my family is provided for, my kids are stable in their lives, I hope to be traveling the world with my lovely. </div>
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<span style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong>Here are my nominations (In no particular order!) I also have no idea how many followers these people currently have, but I love reading them!:</strong></span></div>
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<li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 7px 0px 8px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://lyonsferocious.wordpress.com/" target="_blank"><span style="border: 0px; color: blue; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The GaybyProject</span><span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-style: inherit;"> </span></span></a></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 7px 0px 8px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://lesboparentstobe.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Lesboparentstobe</a></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 7px 0px 8px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: black;"><a href="http://10stix2weeksrepeat.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">10stix,2weeks,repeat</a></span></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 7px 0px 8px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://2crazycanadians.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">Two Crazy Canadians</span></a></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 7px 0px 8px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://thefalcoproject.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">The Falco Project</a></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 7px 0px 8px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.bakeonebuyone.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: yellow;">Bake One Buy One</span></a></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 7px 0px 8px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://tommalie.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: magenta;">The Adventures of life, love, and babymaking</span></a></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 7px 0px 8px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://theroybals.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">More than Words</a></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 7px 0px 8px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://makingseven.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;">Making Lucky Number Seven</span></a></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 7px 0px 8px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://crazylesbianmom.com/" target="_blank">Crazy Lesbian Mom</a></li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 7px 0px 8px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://teamhambowl.wordpress.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #444444;">TeamHambowl</span></a></li>
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<strong>Here are my 11 questions:</strong></div>
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<b>1) What's the best food you've ever eaten?</b></div>
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<b>2) Favorite Movie?</b></div>
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<b>3) Favorite Book?</b></div>
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<b>4) Guilty Pleasure?</b></div>
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<b>5) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?</b></div>
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<b>6) Most embarrassing moment?</b></div>
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<b>7)Cats or dogs?</b></div>
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<b>8)Beach or Mountains?</b></div>
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<b>9) Biggest accomplishment?</b></div>
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<b>10) What's your 1 year plan?</b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit;">11) Who is the most </span></span><span style="font-size: 12px;">influential person in your life?</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit;"> </span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit;">Thanks so much ya'll! </span></span></b></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-54694543650685543132013-07-04T22:08:00.000-07:002013-07-04T22:08:16.037-07:00DeniedWith all that happened last week with DOMA and Cali, I was feeling hopeful but the victory is definitely bittersweet. I live in SC and we will not be reaping any of the benefits of these rulings. It really just motivates us more to move after the babies come. We applied for R's name change in March. It was a process! We hired a lawyer because she was already working on our custody paper so we figured why not? She had to submit to two background checks, one from DSS and one from SLED to prove she's not a child molester, not an illegal alien, and not evading taxes or child support somewhere. She had to get fingerprinted and then we had to pay court fees and file a petition. Well, after all that, we were denied! The judge has requested a hearing and we must appear in court in 2 weeks. Annoyed does not even cover it. It just gets exhausting to have to ask for permission and approval for every little effing thing. I don't know what to expect or why they want to see us in person but we have one more chance and I hope it goes through the second time around.<br />
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The babes are doing well. They are 14 weeks 2 days today! I still haven't gained any weight but I am getting a little bump I think! (The pic below is 2 weeks ago) We bought a dresser that will double as the changing table and are making s.l.o.w. progress on their room. We find out the sex in two weeks! Pretty stinking excited. I put the doppler away because it was causing more worry than not. Afternoon sickness is still here but I am getting my energy back. Also my chichis are getting huge ( I was already a 38DD) and am going to need a maternity bra soon. Recommendations for a comfortable underwire would be appreciated!!! We still have no clue what we are going to do about daycare but I think one of us will have to go to dayshift. (wah wah wah)<br />
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Hope everyone is well in blogland and am looking forward to following some new journeys and hope those enduring TWW's see some BFP's soon!!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjFcGzMR0H3_VwiwbyBTMTG9v72ftiPcdyM0RyvAqb-urPqkjMpj4c2Cqye7R8L3pK7x88akzHgG_MYu386-jtGIIjUDvVlN4VQf18d34OD5pUF15kZRqUeudTIAC83d9ld-sqDVmzCtQ/s1600/image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjFcGzMR0H3_VwiwbyBTMTG9v72ftiPcdyM0RyvAqb-urPqkjMpj4c2Cqye7R8L3pK7x88akzHgG_MYu386-jtGIIjUDvVlN4VQf18d34OD5pUF15kZRqUeudTIAC83d9ld-sqDVmzCtQ/s1600/image.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Awesome Craigslist find! </td></tr>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02174277681696736793noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2260339975332736535.post-30460329665068470832013-06-22T18:17:00.001-07:002013-06-22T18:17:38.381-07:00Catch up Heeeellllloooooo!!! We are still here! I have been pretty tired and losing motivation to write. I never stick with anything long and I promised myself I would follow through with this. So here we are. We are rounding out our 12th week and on the verge of the second trimester. I cannot believe it!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg00teWgCrmmHnYWG5q7PV_YW8EMyiVP91TyzcBkRUnmGR9OtwGnd6YrHf3vv66ZQuCg7pEckTxVvyT27Ib0kiYU0HWf9RKHogmzzz4t1Iw0R0mVd06X4S7DBsDb5RWww1jgCN0oAwX04U/s1600/Barney-Gumble-Burp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg00teWgCrmmHnYWG5q7PV_YW8EMyiVP91TyzcBkRUnmGR9OtwGnd6YrHf3vv66ZQuCg7pEckTxVvyT27Ib0kiYU0HWf9RKHogmzzz4t1Iw0R0mVd06X4S7DBsDb5RWww1jgCN0oAwX04U/s200/Barney-Gumble-Burp.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">B has changed her profile pic</td></tr>
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I have had one pukey episode and I have started a morning ab workout routine of dry heaves with tooth brushing. I've bought stock in colace and zantac. And my wife has officially disowned me in public due to uncontrollable man-burps. I literally sound like Barney from the Simpsons... Other than that feeling pretty good. I've lost 8 lbs. but I was a little heavy to begin with and I am sure I will make up for it soon enough.<br />
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We've taken a few sneak peeks with R's ultrasound machine at work and I broke down and bought a doppler for 20$ on ebay. I never pegged myself as the type of worry wart needing reassurance every week but I feel better just having it. And a month is long time to go without seeing or hearing them! Our 12 week apt went great and the twins are measuring right on track! Next visit we find out the sex and can't wait!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsByMBdY6RPfZeK719NMTCQuRukphJiPvBVQWV-KXivUYw49zNMEpZes6K5u9LhMOWi97ZR317wzn26PA_kIG3dBRuS-ZVlDW9Fs8qPU4CDqQc6H_UnHgtEsUV0K8mhx3eUccmj_SuvHA/s1600/photo+(8).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsByMBdY6RPfZeK719NMTCQuRukphJiPvBVQWV-KXivUYw49zNMEpZes6K5u9LhMOWi97ZR317wzn26PA_kIG3dBRuS-ZVlDW9Fs8qPU4CDqQc6H_UnHgtEsUV0K8mhx3eUccmj_SuvHA/s320/photo+(8).JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">baby b is sleepin with his back turned and baby a is just hanging upside down! </td></tr>
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We hung out with some friends that just had twins via the same clinic and process. I must say that interacting with them made me that much more excited about ours. These moms have really done a great job and I am glad to have them in our support system. Speaking of support systems... I had a little melt down with my mom. I may have mentioned that she is a devout Catholic. She went to a retreat recently and I was on edge about it. For some reason I was really worried that while she was there she would brainwashed into abandoning me and come back and disown me. While this seems so far fetched, due to everything that has happened with my bro, you can see how my thought train pulled into that station. Anyways, I said some things (catholicism may be a cult) and she said some things (it's hard to accept me because I chose this lifestyle) but I made myself clear that our children will not be exposed to any negativity about our family from at least them anyways. And I emphasized that if at anytime they were made to feel less than or uncomfortable that would be the last time. They will have enough shit from the outside world. A little mamma bearish I know, but I felt I needed to lay down the law early. I have tough skin when it comes to my mom but my children shouldn't have to. <div>
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We also made a little FB announcement which was well received by friends and family. We also got a message from a couple who is TTC and needed advice. We were so glad to share our experience and help someone start their journey. The lesbian TTC world is so hush hush and we want to change that. We are not embarrassed about how we got these miracles and want the world to know! <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've been reading lots of blogs even though I haven't kept up with mine and I am happy to see some BFP's popping up! Always keeping my fingers crossed for all of you <3</div>
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