Thursday, December 27, 2012

Baby Daddy

We have finally decided on our sperm bank and potential donor. Originally we thought we would use a friend that looks eerily like Bud. We talked about it jokingly for a year with him and then he moved away. While I still think he would seriously consider doing it, we have decided to go with an anon. Being in a state with virtually no family protection and rights makes me nervous to have a third party involved.

We were shocked at the small number of banks and donors available though. For some reason I just pictured men lined up around America donating. That is certainly NOT the case. The bank we chose had 289 donors... of which 190 were available...of which 34 were African American (like me)...of which 13 were active participants! So after spending 200$ just to cyber creep on these potential baby daddies we only had 13 to look at. I felt a little gypped. We looked at 3 other banks of which only 1 had African american donors and decided to stick with the bank closest to us.

The process of picking was exciting but scary. Looking at personality profiles and pictures and reading essays made it way more stressful. How can you judge a personality on paper? How well do we know ourselves really? If you had to write a description of yourself and let everyone you knew read it, would they agree with it? Probably not. Not to mention, these boys are young...I think in 10 years they will look at these profiles and laugh at themselves. So with that in mind we looked at the profiles separately  and wrote down our top 5 and gave each other our picks. We then looked at the ones that matched first and went from there. We narrowed it down to 2 and finally chose "the one" last week! At least one big step is out of the way.

My partner is worried our kids will want to meet their donor when they are older. She doesn't want that, but I am open to it when they are adults. I think it's perfectly normal to want to know where you come from whether you're adopted or an IVF baby or even come from a "normal" nuclear family. I come from a "nuclear" family of four but when I hit my late 20's I found myself more curious about my ancestry beyond my grandparents and began searching. I didn't find many answers on either side and felt like my family tree must have looked like the Charlie Brown Christmas tree. I felt like I needed to know more about where I came from. I was super upset with my mom and dad for not having answers. My mom said that her and my dad would just have to be enough for me. And guess what? It turns out they are. The donor is willing to be contacted when the child turns 18, I guess it is a bridge we will have to cross when we come to it.

We go next week for our first appointment to prepare for a mock transfer! Sooooo excited to get this show on the road!


  1. What bank you pick? And what state you live in?

    1. We live in SC and we went with xytec. It was close and had the most multiethnic donors to choose from.

  2. Hi there, I'm excited to have just found your blog (via your comment on the 'journey to be mommies' blog).
    We live in New Zealand and are using home insemination to TTC for the 3rd time after two recent miscarriages. We have a known donor (who is my darling wife's brother), and are lucky as the laws here are brilliant so we have every protection of our rights as parents. Not so necessary when it's a family member, but still nice.
    My wife is black, she's from the Caribbean, so it will be great to be able to have kids that are a mix of our races, and even better that they will have a mix of our genes too :-)
    I'm blogging over at and will start following your journey, I hope you'll come day hi on my blog too!

    1. Yay! So glad you found us too! Sorry to hear about your struggles with past miscarriages but hope the third time's a charm ;) That is so awesome that your brother-in-law is doing that! What an amazing connection! I look forward to following you ladies!