They're Here!!!!!!

They're here! I haven't been able to update in forever. Let's recap:

• They were unsure about their growth so I started seeing a specialist each week. He recommended I don't go past 37 weeks.
• Went to regular ob and set a date for induction-both still head down. Babies are measuring small and apparently 1.5 lbs apart.  We set the date for Dec 11 to be induced. 
• The wifey and I have one last date friday night and get mani-pedis and got to our first date spot :)
• Sat night R goes to work and I'm prepping the house. I am supposed to work (yes you read that right, I was still working!) on Monday so I am trying to get everything done before Christmas.
• I wake up at 1 in the morning and feel like I peed my pants....call the doc who doesn't sound amused when I say I think it broke but I'm not sure-how the hell should I know??? It wasn't like on tv-there was no tsumani of fluid but just a constant trickle. 
• Drove myself to the hospital and met my wife who was already there working. Contractions 2 min apart at this point. 
• Let's add a sprinkle of pitocin, epidural and boom 10 hours later I am bing wheeled into the OR to push. Baby P came vaginally  with about 6 pushes. Baby O got into some trouble and I couldn't get him out so he was a c-section. I got both experiences with one pregnancy! It was pretty crazy but and I had to be put under but I woke up an hour later and they were ready to be placed in my arms. Unbelievable. We are so in love. They are beautiful. 4 lbs 10 oz each-couldn't believe it and only 1/2 inch difference! 
• They are doing great and we came home on time and are just enjoying every moment with them. 
• If this feels like a whirlwind post, that's because that is our life right now and we wouldn't change it for the world!

There is so much more to talk about but I just can't stand to be away one more minute from these little snuggle bears. So without further ado here they are:

Chugging Along

So we haven't been on here in a while, but I've definitely been keeping up with everyone's updates and I am so happy to see all the wee lil' babes! Everything is moving along s.l.o.w.l.y. here. At our 32 week appointment everything seemed to be looking great, but it wasn't so good this time around. We are 34 weeks today and the babies are measuring very small (3rd and 9th percentile). They were 4 lbs 2 oz and 4 lbs 8 0z. I can't believe I have 8 lbs of baby in there! I have another appointment with a high risk OB on Wednesday. Baby A has only gained 3 oz in two weeks and baby B has gained 9 0z. I am a little nervous that I have IUGR. My belly still looks small even though I can hardly change positions without the help of my wife.

I am still working full time and almost done with school for this semester. I am hoping all goes well on Wednesday and they don't want to put me on bed rest. I just want to get them to 36 weeks! (plus I want to stuff my face on Turkey Day) So please cross your fingers for us that they grow like weeds in the next few days :) I am feeling so nervous as the braxton hicks come and go and can't believe that we will be a family of four by Christmas. It is truly surreal. Even as my belly rolls like waves in the ocean, it still hasn't sunk in. I just feel so lucky and can't believe we are going to be moms! I am so looking forward to cuddling these little boys and nuzzling their little necks-it just fills my heart thinking about it.

R is doing great with the induced lactation and is a milk making machine! We are so excited although she has to pump every 3 hours from here until the babies come. It has been relatively easy though. (easy for me to say!) I am so glad that it's working and she will get to feed them too, it's a bond for not only her and the babies but for me and her as well. I am really proud of her for sticking with it. Well that's all for now but I can't wait to hear about more positive pee sticks and birth stories!

Our Favorite Things

We had our birthing class today! I don't know that we learned anything new, but it was nice to do this class together.  It was at the hospital I work at and of course we were the only same sex couple. This wasn't a problem as no one including some of the other moms seemed interested in being there. (It's football season and we live in a college town.) Everyone had their phones out checking scores.  We watched some gory videos and took a tour of the OR and labor and delivery rooms. It was a good experience. I am getting really excited about these boys coming and can't believe this part of the journey is almost over!! We have our 30 week appointment on Wednesday and I am praying that they are still head down.

We have gotten so many awesome buys/gifts  over the last few weeks that I thought I'd share some of our faves so far.  Consider this my favorite thing episode! And if I had the moola I would buy all of you one of each....

I  bought this ring sling and we are  psyched about baby wearing!
http://www.sweetpearingsling.com/

R practicing with our fur baby :)

This line of toys is awesome! We got this globe that plays 37 songs from different countries. 

We got these rockers as a gift and we are going to put these in the bedroom with us in the beginning. 

And last but not least, I got these ADORABLE closet organizers from purple possom on Etsy! If you look closely, you can see the monacles and mustaches on the whales-so classy ;)

Well, that's all for now! Keep those birthing stories coming! And wishing lots of baby dust to those in the TWW right now :)

Spinning babies

OMG! Here we come third trimester! We had our appointment last week and all is well with the womb. The boys are measuring 2lbs. 7 oz and 2 lbs. 9 oz. I've got 5lbs worth of baby going on! I can't believe it. They are moving and kicking up a storm in there. The last appointment I went to they were   both breech and I was pretty nervous about the thought of having a scheduled c-section.  I really want to try and labor for a bit even if it does end in a c-section.   I googled everything possible to get these guys to turn around and found this website. It is pretty amazing. I've been standing on my head (literally) a few times a week for a minute and this appointment they were both head down :) I felt pretty silly at the time but it worked, now they just need to stay that way. We go every 2 weeks now so we shall see. Some other things I'm tempted to try if they don't stay head down: moxa sticks, accupuncture, more headstands, and a chiropractic visit.  I also had the ob measure my tummy and I am measuring 34 weeks which is right on track for twins at 28 weeks.
Well that's all for now...feeling much better since the last post about coming into my own as a mom. Thanks for all the encouragement! We are rounding the corner and I am started to freak out  get excited!  SO happy to see everyone's birth stories popping up and can't wait for more!

Head Scratcher

So if there is one thing I have learned over the past few weeks is that I may not be very maternal...yikes. I am having a hard time with this. I am super excited about these babies but I am not feeling very maternal yet. Is that weird? My wife is nesting like a mad woman while I just sit by and watch. I am not sure what is happening. Maybe I am tired? I've been working overtime trying to save up.  I still don't feel very prego. My wife keeps telling me that I look pregnant, but it wasn't until yesterday someone actually asked me if I was. I am 27 weeks and have gained 2 lbs.  I have to keep reminding myself there are two of them in there!  I was overweight to begin with and I know that has a lot to do with it, but it psychologically messes with me.  I don't have heartburn, or  any swelling or the usual complaints of a woman in her third trimester. It sounds strange but this makes me sad. I know that others would be grateful for this, but this is my one and only pregnancy and I just haven't felt very pregnant. I think I just had what my pregnancy would  be like idealized in my head and it is not.at.all. what I imagined.  It is unfathomable to me that we will go from just the two of us to a family of four in two months and I don't feel anything. What is wrong with me??? I can't figure out if I my pregnancy and parenting fears aren't allowing me to feel joy. I wanted this sooooo badly and I look around and see all this baby stuff and just cannot wrap my head around this. Has anyone else experienced this? If so, is this normal? Will it change? Is it hormones? We have a birthing class next week and maternity photos in November. I hope this will help jump start me. It just makes me sad that I even need to be revved up for such an awesome thing. I really hope I am just in a funk and this will pass. Trust me, I know I sound like big whining baby right now but I would love to hear your experiences or thoughts on this.

I'll leave you with some happy pics...

Pride 2013

Pride 2013

High/Low

Wow....we are 25 weeks and 4 days! I can't believe that we are this far along! Let's recap the last month high/ low style shall we?

High: Me and the wife celebrated our one year anniversary! We went back to where we got engaged and read our letters we wrote to each other the night before we got married. We locked them in a box and saved them for this day. Time flies and we are just amazed at how much our lives have changed and what is in store for us! I love her so much and know she's gonna be an amazeballs mamma.

Low: To make a very long story short, we have been fighting back and forth with R's family. There is no rationalizing with irrational people. We couldn't agree to disagree and unfortunately, they decided it would be best if we part ways. They have officially cut us off.  The only family member that came to our shower was her mom. R is having a very hard timewith this and I'm not sure how to help her. I just keep thinking that once the boys are here and she sees their little faces some of the pain will fade.

High: We made it to 24 weeks! Viability!  Measuring right on track. We are super excited that these little boys are getting bigger. 1 lb 5 oz each last week.


Low: I had been having the WORST pain on my right side and had to call out of work for the first time in 2 years. I was scared but as a nurse couldn't bring myself to go to the ER and wait. I had R do an ultrasound because I thought it was my gallbladder. Turns out it was my kidney. Baby B has been making himself comfortable on it and it was swollen and my ureter was backed up causing grade II hydronephrosis.  We showed the doc my ultrasound and she said there's not much else to do but lay on my left side and drink water to flush it out as much as possible. The treatment is worse than the problem: a kidney drain. It comes and goes but I am feeling better.

High: I passed my glucose test! 'Nuff said there

Low: A lot of people that we invited besides family did not come to our shower . I was a little disappointed that we've been really good friends and gone to great lengths to maintain these particular friendships and it doesn't feel reciprocated. Some are in the middle of their own TTC days and I think it stung the "lesbians did it before them". (One person expressed this already)  You make time for the things and people that are important. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and my loyalty for my friends runs deep, I guess to a fault sometimes.

High: We had an amazing shower today and the people that did come were awesome and super generous.

Low: School is kicking my a$$ ya'll. I was super stoked to start and now I am wondering what the hell I've done to myself because I forgot how much I despise writing papers. I have to stick with it though because I know how important it will be down the road.

High: R started her meds for induced lactation.  She should be able to breastfeed and pump by the time the boys are here.  We are pumped about this-pun intended. ;)

High: The nursery is almost done! We are doing a map/travel theme and everytime I walk into the room, I feel giddy. It is adorbs! I really wanted a hot air balloon mobile but they are so expensive.  R has been channeling her inner Martha Stewart and taught herself to sew. We made this amazing mobile together (well mostly her..I glued the ribbons on).

mobile sneek peak!

Lesbian carpentry at its finest! 

one of the maps going up with our favorite fisherman's lamp! 

Highest High: They are on the move! I was so worried that I would never feel them, let alone R.  I've been feeling them squirm a teensy bit but now it feels like my tummy is a cement mixer and they kick and punch so hard that R can feel them in her sleep.  Each time they move it's a reminder of this amazing role we have been chosen to fill as mommas. I cannot wait to meet them and be a complete family.

So that's it-you're officially caught up. I'm so excited to see everyone moving right along and seeing all these new stork landings! Congrats to all the new mommas and papas out there!

Bargains and Babes

Where should I begin? How about where we left off last time...The situation between R and her mom is psuedo resolved for now. I'm not completely satisfied with her "apology" but R is and I have to be content with that.  As of right now she is re-invited to the shower and  is still blocked from FB but is minding her p's and q's.  Even after showing R's mom the communication we had with R's aunt she was still confused as to why we weren't inviting her to the shower.  She said we should at least invite her and hope she doesn't come. ummm what??!! I give up. On to the good stuff...

I forgot to mention on the last post that our 16 week visit with the OB was awesome! She was actually the one person that responded to my email over a year ago in my secret lezzie group! At the time she was a 4th year resident. She had no idea who we were when we went to the appointment but we introduced ourselves quickly and she was more than happy to divulge she and her partner just had a baby last year! We also asked about induced lactation for R and she was super excited. She is the only doc in our practice that does it.  We will start R on meds around 30 weeks and will hopefully both be able to breastfeed. We felt super comfortable and best of all she invited us to a lesbian mom club. SCORE!!!

Speaking of clubs, we also joined a twins club in our city and it was a little overwhelming. Everyone was very accepting but we had a few awkward moments explaining who was pregnant and that R was not my "friend" or "support". We joined just in time to get into a HUGE consignment sale and got some serious finds! Also, a co worker of R's gave us a brand new car seat unused. We just need to get a match and find a double stoller which has been a little more difficult than we thought.  We registered today and I only had 2 meltdowns....that's progress friends. We started on the nursery painting and got an amazing rocker (craiglist find) from pottery barn! We are doing a map/travel theme in mint and orange. My mom came up for 2 days to help, but unfortunately I was sooo tired and feeling like poo, I was not much help. I'm hoping this second wind everyone keeps talking about comes soon.

Our 20 week appointment was yesterday and found out that we are for sure having 2 boys! I can't believe it and am way more excited than I could ever imagine. They were measuring right on track and looked beautiful. My belly is starting to get rounder and firmer and I feel more connected. I just assumed that since I was the pregnant one I would automatically feel bonded but it has taken me longer than I thought. I don't know if it was because of the IVF whirlwind or the family drama but all that aside now, I am feeling like a momma. Still no serious movement but lots of weird sensations, like my guts shifting or something.  R has been amazing and puts up with my crazy mood swings, although I think she is having more cravings than me!  Our 1 year anniversary is next week and I cannot believe how fast it went. I'm so excited to start this new chapter in our lives. I start school next week and am feeling pretty excited. I also decided to put my name on the day shift list and am looking forward to being on a normal schedule. It's gonna help in the long run with the daycare issue. I'm hoping R will come to days to so we aren't two ships passing in the night.  So that's it for now. Hope all is well in the blogosphere!

I'll leave you with some pics of our super bargains and babies!

2 Tears in a Bucket...

Soooo remember in a previous post me and the wife were denied our name change request? Well we went to court and guess what? We won! The previous judge just wrote on a sticky note (that's right-we here in SC spare no expense) "same sex marriage?".  The judge thought that by us having the same name we would try to dupe the system in some way and get benefits.  Our lawyer told us not to worry, R met all the statutory requirements  and if they didn't approve it this time they would have to provide a court order stating why and no judge in their right mind could use same sex marriage as their reason. We got a new judge and she took five minutes to ask R some questions and approved the name change. We were elated! Me, my wife, and our children will have the same last name and we couldn't be happier.

My wife posted on FB about how excited she was and thanked our supporters who had been rallying behind us over the past few weeks leading up to our court date. Well, her aunt decided to write a negative comment  and state that she was "disappointed " and one of our friends chimed in saying "don't let haters rain on your parade" to which R's mother chimed in and told our friends to "shut the hell up" and "the only reason people like this is because it's cool and trendy". Ummmmm WHAT????? I must have missed that edition of Cosmo highlighting cool and trendy lezzies struggling to make families with no rights and benefits. She also wrote a bunch of other shit that I can't even get into right now because even after a week I am still stewing. R just saw her family the week before and no one said a word to her about the name change and in fact said they were excited about the babies. When R tried to contact her aunt she refused to talk on the phone and instead texted her. She said that the babies are not mine and should have R's last name. We are not married in this state and she is still a Miss not a Mrs. We are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and last but not least, that when you go against the wind you should expect some blowback and R was being prejudiced against heterosexual views.  I was devastated.....R was devastated. Her mom was not any better, she said she was just concerned about R and is so afraid of getting hurt but couldn't say who she thought was going to hurt her( although I still think she's implying me). She also said she's worried about the second parent adoption, umm like we aren't???  I have many problems with this mainly because  if I was a man, none of this would have even been an issue. R's mom has never publicly supported us and not until everyone changed their pics to equality signs on FB did she ever even mention her own daughter-when it was "cool and trendy" . She also has never gone to a rally or wrote her local congressman (to whom they are directly RELATED) expressing her concerns for her daughter's rights. She justified what her sister said to R and herein lies the biggest problem. R does not cry often, she doesn't get worked up but this pushed her over the edge. The babies aren't even here yet and if anyone were to try and hurt them I would claw their eyes out ya'll! For R's mother to hear and see how hurt her daughter was at the hands of her own family and not feel the least bit of sympathy is unfathomable to me. She couldn't even apologize and said she was just stressed out but when R said that was not a good enough excuse, she hung up on R not once, not twice but three times.

We have actually had a similar situation with her mom before. I actually blocked her from my FB but R made  me unblock her so she could see posts about the babies. I didn't want to because she writes inappropriate stuff on there all time (jerry springer style). She is embarrassing and R is constantly going behind her cleaning up her social messes. A little background: R's mom has had depression since she was a teenager and may have some mania sprinkled in there as well. She is heavily medicated and when she acts poorly, she blames it on not taking her meds or being depressed. Her family cottles her because they think she is so fragile and just let her run amuck. She is never held accountable and it's getting old. I don't understand why they felt the need to use our own personal post as their political platforms. They all hid behind their computer screens and refused to answer their phones and we have not spoken to them since. She also texted R the next day and said she wanted to come up and get a pedicure like nothing ever happened!!!  And then her aunt texted R a few days later saying she didn't want to talk her because it was "too emotional for her"  and that R needed to call her mother and "make her feel better"! SAY WHAT????? I cannot make this ish up. R has just chosen to ignore them right now.

I hurt for R. She is so sad. I thought these babies would bring our families together. I never in a million years thought it would go in this direction. We took my name and planned on using R's maiden name as one of the boy's first names as well as incorporating my own dad's name. (It was going to be a surprise) We gave a lot of thought to this with consideration for both of our families. They have sucked the joy out of it for me. After going through this with my own brother, it is easy for me to say cut them out. I was really sad but now I am thankful that my brother removed himself instead of subjecting me and my family to his hateful comments.  And I recently had a come-to Jesus meeting with my parents as well letting them know that being "tolerated" not accepted will not be good enough for our children and they have chosen to get on board. I realize this is R's mom but I just won't tolerate anyone treating our family less than and expecting us to just take it.   I am so tired of having to think of everyone else before we do anything-it's time to put our family first.  I don't know what we'll do about R's mom but as far her aunt goes, I am done. Ever hear the saying "two tears in bucket..." (I'll let you google the rest)

So what do you think? I realize there are always two sides but R is torn. I can't be around this stress and all I wanna do is enjoy this pregnancy without me and R being lashed out at. Would you cut your own mother out? I'm afraid that an apology this time might not be enough.

Boy oh boy!

So much to post but not enough time in a day! We are almost 18 weeks but I figured I'd post this anyway....

 We had our gender scan at 16 weeks and it looks like it's gonna be two little boys! Baby B definitely has outdoor plumbing but Baby A was not very cooperative so there is a teeny tiny chance it's a girl. I'm happy either way , it just means we will definitely try again for a girl! They did say that baby A's placenta is anterior so I may not feel movement as early as most.  I still haven't gained a pound (lost a total of 12 lbs) and I'm in the middle between kind of looking pregnant and like I ate too much. It makes for an awkward moment when someone tries to pat my stomach and I have to remind them they aren't that big and they're really patting my fat lol! I had to buy a small tank top to accentuate my  little bump for this pic.  I can't wait to feel some movement and get a real bump! 

Better Late Than Never?

I am so late with this! But I’ve been nominated for the Liebster Award! Thanks to Rachael, B, and Lexi&Sara for the nominations! I truly love this blog and the connections I have made through it. This is a way for small bloggers to give recognition to other small bloggers (200 followers or less). Here’s how it works:

Copy & Paste This Whole Post and Replace All Your Information — who awarded you, for example.

The rules:

1. Thank the Liebster Blog presenter who nominated you and link back to their blog.

2. Post 11 facts about yourself, answering the 11 questions you were asked and create 11 questions for your nominees.

3. Nominate 11 blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen.

4. Display the Liebster Award logo.

5. No tag backs meaning you can’t just re nominate the person who nominated you.

As Solo the First put it “The real purpose behind these nominations are not only as an accolade from a fellow blogger and let’s face it, nothing gently strokes our little writer hearts more than someone telling you they appreciate your work.  In addition to the back patting we need to receive from time to time, it also allows us to get a little more personal as we get to know our increasing blogging community. It also helps drive traffic to your site as we reference one another.”

The questions put forth to me (with my answers) are as follows:

1)  Paper Book or Electronic? Paperback fo sho'! I love the feel and smell of a book. I bend my books all the way back until the spine is creased, yep I'm that girl. 

2) Who would you have dinner with if you could pick anyone ever? Probably my mother's father. He disowned us early on and I know nothing about that side of the family. I've got a few things to say to him, but mostly I want to know about my fam.

3) What kitchen utensil would you be? A silicone spoon...seriously get one. 

4) If you met the president, what would you say to him? Thanks for the birth control, free breast pump, marijuana and marriage recognition. (high five)

5) What’s the hardest lesson you have had to learn in your life? That blood isn't thicker than water. 

6) What’s the best decision you ever made? Going back to school and getting my nursing degree. 

7) What’s your favorite musical? Phantom of the Opera. I cry everytime I hear "Think of me"

8) What’s your biggest pet peeve? Loud chewing...it's called misophonia. Oh, and messy sandwiches, if I take a bite and the guts fall out the bottom, someone is gonna die.

9) What’s your greatest accomplishment? Marrying my wife. That probably sounds strange, but I was so scared to hold her hand in public  let alone marry her and finally I had to let go of what people thought and live my life. 

10) Where do you see yourself in 15 minutes? Still on this couch with no bra on.

11) Where do hope to be in your life by the time you are retired?  Retired? What's that? I will probably work in some capacity until I die.  But as long as my family is provided for, my kids are stable in their lives, I hope to be traveling the world with my lovely. 

Here are my nominations (In no particular order!) I also have no idea how many followers these people currently have, but I love reading them!:

• The GaybyProject 
• Lesboparentstobe
• 10stix,2weeks,repeat
• Two Crazy Canadians
• The Falco Project
• Bake One Buy One
• The Adventures of life, love, and babymaking
• More than Words
• Making Lucky Number Seven
• Crazy Lesbian Mom
• TeamHambowl

Here are my 11 questions:

1) What's the best food you've ever eaten?

2) Favorite Movie?

3) Favorite Book?

4) Guilty Pleasure?

5) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?

6) Most embarrassing moment?

7)Cats or dogs?

8)Beach or Mountains?

9) Biggest accomplishment?

10) What's your 1 year plan?

11) Who is the most influential person in your life? 

Thanks so much ya'll! 

Denied

With all that happened last week with DOMA and Cali,  I was feeling hopeful but the victory is definitely bittersweet. I live in SC and we will not be reaping any of the benefits of these rulings. It really just motivates us more to move after the babies come. We applied for R's name change in March. It was a process! We hired a lawyer because she was already working on our custody paper so we figured why not? She had to submit to two background checks, one from DSS and one from SLED to prove she's not a child molester, not an illegal alien, and not evading taxes or child support somewhere.  She had to get fingerprinted and then we had to pay court fees and file a petition. Well, after all that, we were denied! The judge has requested a hearing and we must appear in court in 2 weeks. Annoyed does not even cover it. It just gets exhausting to have to ask for permission and approval for every little effing thing. I don't know what to expect or why they want to see us in person but we have one more chance and I hope it goes through the second time around.

The babes are doing well. They are 14 weeks 2 days today! I still haven't gained any weight but I am getting a little bump I think! (The pic below is 2 weeks ago) We bought a dresser that will double as the changing table and are making s.l.o.w. progress on their room.  We find out the sex in two weeks! Pretty stinking excited. I put the doppler away because it was causing more worry than not. Afternoon sickness is still here but I am getting my energy back. Also my chichis are getting huge ( I was already a 38DD) and am going to need a maternity bra soon. Recommendations for a comfortable underwire would be appreciated!!! We still have no clue what we are going to do about daycare but I think one of us will have to go to dayshift. (wah wah wah)

Hope everyone is well in blogland and am looking forward to following some new journeys and hope those enduring TWW's see some BFP's soon!!

Awesome Craigslist find! 

Catch up

Heeeellllloooooo!!! We are still here! I have been pretty tired and losing motivation to write. I never stick with anything long and I promised myself I would follow through with this. So here we are. We are rounding out our 12th week and on the verge of the second trimester. I cannot believe it!

B has changed her profile pic

I have had one pukey episode and I  have started a morning ab workout routine of dry heaves with tooth brushing. I've bought stock in colace and zantac. And my wife has officially disowned me in public due to uncontrollable man-burps. I literally sound like Barney from the Simpsons... Other than that feeling pretty good. I've lost 8 lbs. but I was a little heavy to begin with and I am sure I will make up for it soon enough.

We've taken a few sneak peeks with R's ultrasound machine at work and I broke down and bought a doppler for 20$ on ebay. I never pegged myself as the type of worry wart needing reassurance every week but I feel better just having it.  And a month is long time to go without seeing or hearing them! Our 12 week apt went great and the twins are measuring right on track! Next visit we find out the sex and can't wait!

baby b  is sleepin with his back turned and baby a is just hanging upside down! 

We hung out with some friends that just had twins via the same clinic and process. I must say that interacting with them made me that much more excited about ours. These moms have really done a great job and I am glad to have them in our support system. Speaking of support systems... I had a little melt down with my mom. I may have mentioned that she is a devout Catholic. She went to a retreat recently and I was on edge about it. For some reason I was really worried that while she was there she would brainwashed into abandoning me and come back and disown me. While this seems so far fetched, due to everything that has happened with my bro, you can see how my thought train pulled into that station. Anyways,  I said some  things (catholicism may be a cult) and she said some things (it's hard to accept me because I chose this lifestyle) but I made myself clear that our children will not be exposed to any negativity about our family from at least them anyways. And I emphasized that  if at anytime they were made to feel less than or uncomfortable that would be the last time. They will have enough shit from the outside world. A little mamma bearish I know, but I felt I needed to lay down the law early. I have tough skin when it comes to my mom but my children shouldn't have to. 

We also made a little FB announcement which was well received by friends and family. We also got a message from a couple who is TTC and needed advice. We were so glad to share our experience and help someone start their journey. The lesbian TTC world is so hush hush and we want to change that. We are not embarrassed about how we got these miracles and want the world to know! 

I've been reading lots of blogs even though I haven't kept up with mine and I am happy to see some BFP's popping up! Always keeping my fingers crossed for all of you <3

Thicker than Water?

Hello ladies! I know it has been a while and this blog has seemed to run away from me. Weddings and jury duty have kept me away, but do not doubt my love for you, as I have been lurking in the shadows and peeping in your windows.  So far all is good and the wee babes are fine I think. Other than an appetite that ranges from "hangry" to not eating for a whole day, I feel fine. I feel really bad not eating but I have just not had much of an appetite lately. I've been trying to drink protein shakes just to keep up. No nausea yet, just lots of headaches and lots of pee. We had our first OB apt  two weeks ago and it went well. The little babes looked like teddy grahams dancing on the screen.  Baby A even waved his/her little arm nubby at us! We've been on cloud nine still kind of floating through this whole thing.

Today is Blogging For LGBT Families Day  and  there are tons of lovely blogs out there sharing their   experience. The whole thing brought up the pretty sore subject of my own family. When I divorced a man started dating a woman, I realized my family would not understand but I had hoped over time that they would be "ok" with it. I also naively thought that since we were a biracial family, my folks would be more apt to accept this relationship. I was very wrong. It has been a long road. It has been 4 years and my parents have gone from not speaking to me to coming to my wedding (and paying for parts of it!) It is by no means a perfect relationship and I of course would love more acceptance from them but for now am content that I still have them in my life and deep down I know if I ever needed anything they are there. I didn't have a close relationship with my grandparents on either side. My mother's parents disowned her and wanted nothing to do with her once she married outside her race and had biracial children, so we never met them. When my mother's father died she had not spoken to him in over 20 years. My dad's father died  when I was young and I only met him once. He divorced my grandma and remarried so I have two grandma's that I still speak to. My dad does not want them to know about my new life, he says they won't approve or understand.  This will be interesting hiding a 15 week belly at the family reunion this summer...

I have three half brothers of which none have contact with me. I grew up with one and we share the same mom. My dad raised him as his own. Our relationship was up and down growing up, I was straight A's and he was passing by the skin of his teeth. I was a goody-two-shoes and he was constantly in the principal's office. In high school we became much closer though, and when he joined the military and I went to college, we were pretty close and talked several times a week on the phone. Over the next few years, marriages and  divorces came and went  and babies were born.  Our relationship had become strained and we talked twice a year.  He has six beautiful children and I tried to keep in touch with them. After I told my parents about R, I asked if I should talk to my brother. They left it up to me and since I had not spoken to him in person or on the phone I decided to write a letter to him and his wife.  I left the ball in their court and told them I would be waiting to hear from them. Six months later I heard from his wife. She was sweet and said she wanted to get to know us better but asked that if we were ever around their children that we don't show affection. I was kinda put out by this because I felt like she thought since we were lesbians we were obviously sexual deviants with no manners dry humping in front of small children. I just agreed and waited to hear from my brother. We actually never see them because they live so far away so I was not concerned about this request. I see my parents often as they live 2 hrs away.  I finally heard from my brother, a year later, three days before my wedding. The phone call lasted about 4 minutes. He told me if I married a woman "I was going to hell" and was "no longer his sister and was no better than murderers and thieves." "Why?" I cried? "Because the bible says so and you were raised better than that." First let me say that growing up, not a single one of us went to the same church on Sundays. My mom is Catholic, my dad attended a non denominational gospel service, my brother went to a Baptist church and I went to a contemporary Christian church with friends. We were never taught to hate gays or judge people. I was completely shocked. I couldn't even speak. He went on to say I was not alllowed contact with his wife and children and only in an emergency involving my parents was I allowed to call. Furthermore, he was punishing my parents by taking away their guardianship rights (in the event something happened to him and his wife) because he didn't want his children to be exposed to me in thier absence.  I was beyond hurt and then mad. I grew up with this boy, eighteen years we lived together, ate at the same table, kept each other's secrets.  During thunderstorms climbed into bed together.  People thought we were twins when we were younger and we didn't even know we were half siblings until we were  teenagers. I don't know what happened to my brother and I don't know that I ever will.  I never told my parents about our conversation because I feel like they have carried my secret for so long and I don't want them to be in the middle anymore. At the same time it's hard to know that our family is not together because of this. ( I know it's not actually me but my brother's intolerance but the lines get blurred) My mom says he'll come around and is "praying it will be ok" so of course it will. (insert eye roll here) It has been almost a year and still nothing. I see pictures of the kids growing from my parents and know that my kids will never know their cousins.

The hardest part for me to grasp is that our family has grown so much and we are isolated from all of them. R and I are still a one branch family tree. Family is indeed what you make it and I intend to surround these babies with only loving tolerant people. Our family tree will grow and I will make sure my children have strong roots that they can always come home to.

Life as we know it

 

Our latest purchase! R bought this for 85$ on Craiglist from an uber rich lady who used it twice and decided she didn't like jogging. Sweet! Things have been pretty surreal since we found out we were having twins. Kinda foggy really. Still trying to get a grip on this. R traded her 94 convertible mustang Sally for a sporty mom-mobile:
                                         

And just when we thought things were going according to plan, R's position at the hospital was cut. She works something called Baylor which means she works every weekend of the year in exchange for getting paid for a full time job. So she works 24 hours on Sat and Sun and gets paid as if she worked all week. It sucked at first giving up the weekends with her but we made it work and any shift past those days she picked up was overtime. Well, the hospital gave everyone raises and then cut every baylor position. This means that we will be losing about 10 g's in salary and R's job is kinda in limbo right now.  It is super stressful because we had a budget based on that previous income that will soon be gone. It looks like it will be ramen noodles for a while. I don't know how we will do it but I know we will. R has always made me feel secure and even though I am scared to death about the future I can't help but believe we're gonna be ok. I'm feeling very "que sera sera" lately.

And just when I didn't think I could pile anymore shit on the already thin paper plate that we call life, I got my acceptance letter for my RN-BSN program that starts this fall.  Part of me thinks I should wait, but they only accept new applicants in the fall and wouldn't be able to apply again until 2014. It's all online so it's definitely doable, but I know I am going to be dog- tired once the kiddos arrive. R is super supportive and thinks I should do it. I have until July 1st to decide. I might just start and if it gets to be too much, I can switch to part time next year. I worked two jobs to put myself through nursing school the first time and there were some nights where I would come home-take a 2 hour nap and go to clinical or class and then right back to work. I know I am capable of it again. I just want to be a good mom and be here and present for my family. It's hard for me not to shake my fists at the gods, especially considering the blessings that we have been given, but I can't help but feel as though they are indeed laughing at us right now.

The Motherload

I was leery to write a post about Mother's Day on a blog that is shared with people that share the unrelenting desire to have children. I viewed yesterday so differently. Usually, it is a happy holiday because a) I still have my mom and b) I wanted to be a mom but had  not ventured into that journey yet.  This year is different because of you my bloglandians. I have met so many of ya'll that have had the most amazing journeys to motherhood. And motherhood seemed to be so cut and dry until we started this path. I see now that mothers can come in so many different forms and we should embrace and celebrate that. This is the first Mother's Day that R's mom is without hers and R is without her nanny. And wow, a cliche never rang truer than "you don't know what you've got til it's gone".   I also thought about all the moms in waiting. I know today can be so tough and I appreciate you the most. No matter where your baby is,  heart, body, mind, or soul, you are still a mom.

I got my wife a Mother's Day gift. A rosebush to plant in our yard together to watch grow as we watch our babies grow.

And with Mother's Day comes the commercials. Can't a hormone laden gal get an effing break please????   Warning: these are not for the faint of heart.  Grab a box of tissues and try to make it through these without ugly crying. Good luck and may the force be with you..

1 tissue

2 tissues

3 tissues

Deuces Wild!

Our first ultrasound was today!!! 6 weeks and 1 day.  The little bean looked great. HR 112 and the due date is Jan 1st.

Annnnd.....the OTHER bean....haha! That's right! There's another one! Deuces!!! Well the other one is perfect and the heartbeat was 114. We were in shock.

Here's a family pic:

I was concerned that the one on the left was small but the doc assured me it was because it implanted lower and is on a different viewing plane but they are indeed the exact same size.  Two little heartbeats. I cried and cried and felt a huge weight lifted for about two seconds only to be replaced by    "holy sh!t...twins!" I don't know why we were so shocked and it sounds silly considering that we put two eggs in, so of course there was a real possibility that we could have twins. I just didn't feel pregnant. How can I be making two humans right now and feel fine??? And cuckoo confession #1 I literally took a test everyday until this morning because I didn't believe it. But today was different. Before the appointment, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  I looked prego-I can't explain it, I don't mean a huge bump or anything. Maybe it was bloating or progesterone induced hallucinations...but I saw it for a split second. And then came the small wave of nausea that has stuck all day along with a ferocious headache out of no where. I still don't know how we got here. Me and R keep looking at each other and going "twins...huh" We spent the afternoon making calls and telling our friends and family.  We are so blessed and are scared and excited all at the same time.  

In other news they found a dermoid cyst on my right ovary measuring around 6cm...yikes. The doc said no worries and it can be removed at a later time if it doesn't resolve on its own.  Still a little scary considering it was not there on the anatomy scan when we started this whole thing. So we will have to wait and see what the OB says. Our next appointment is May 23- the first with our OB who is already my gyn and I already love her. We can't wait to see those little seahorses again! Well, that's about all I can say right now. So glad to see my friends doing well in blogland and hope to keep hearing your good news.

Happy Birthday To Me!

We had our second beta on yesterday and it was 475! Woo hoo! I worked myself into a tizzy waiting on the results and felt a huge relief when they called. It just seems like the worrying will never end. Now we worry til the first ultrasound... then the heartbeat...then the..

I just don't feel prego. I only have some mild cramps and just keep taking tests to prove to myself that there's something in there. I know I am preachin to the choir as I have yet to read a post where someone was like " I am pregnant and I believe it". I just am in shock still I think. We couldn't help but share our joy with our closest friends and we decided to tell my parents since they were coming for my birthday. I still haven't told my boss but given that my workplace is 98% female, I am sure the news will spread down the grapevine all the way to her office in no time flat.

We suprised my parents with onesies. I think my dad was shocked. Mainly because he said "I am in shock!" My mom said "oh I guess it took?!' followed by crying. She hugged me with a kung-fu grip only a mother could have. We were so nervous and knew it could go either way. We couldn't have asked for a better response. We went to the zoo for my bday and my mom wanted to go to the gift shop. She came out with two bags of stuffed animals! It was so cute. She said she wanted the baby to have something to remember this day.

I never in a million years thought I would be so happy to spend my 32nd birthday on the couch in my pj's but that's exactly what I am doing. And I couldn't be happier. I feel really blessed.

Our ultrasound is May 9th. That seems like a lifetime away! I prob will take a test everyday til then. Judge me if you must. Also my estrogen level came back at 664. My progesterone level came back at over 40! They said to keep using the patches, shots and vag torpedoes (yay). Does anyone think that the progesterone is high? I almost skipped the shot today. I have itchy welts the size of ping pong balls and am running out of trunk space. I cried yesterday because the shot hurt so bad. I don't want to mess anything up but I just don't know if I can do it for 3-5 more weeks! Everything I read said progesterone in the first trimester is at most in the 20's? Can your progesterone be too high??

Well, that's all for now bloglandians! I hope the good news just keeps on coming for all of us and those of you still waiting, please try to hang in there and stay positive. (easier said than done I know!) I wish everyone some peace, love, and baby dust!

The Incredible Hulk

Our beta was today! Drum roll please...232! I'm not entirely sure what to think...it could be twins but I'm leaning towards the Incredible Hulk. Either way we are in shock. Next beta is Friday am!

All Willy-Nilly

Warning: Random thought post in progress!  My wife's cousin is Buddhist (the only one in her giant family of Southern Baptists) and invited us to a class yesterday. I must say that I really liked it. It was open to the public in  our museum of art. Afterwards, we saw a Monet impressionist exhibit there. Something about being surrounded by beautiful things makes you feel so calm and peaceful. I love art and the feelings it can evoke from you. It was a really good distraction day. I left feeling great and a lot more enlightened.  I have been meditating daily already to calm my nerves and it has helped TREMENDOUSLY.  (I use this FREE app on my phone and I love it!) We bought a book and a meditation cd and I think we may be going back for a few more lessons.

Buddhist fertility statue

So I peed on more tests than I care to admit! I have done some research on the particular tests that I took and just how sensitive they are. I found two decent websites here and here  that compare Hpts. Also, I think one of my fellow bloggers may have posted about this a while ago but I think this page is fascinating.

Here's some of my  own new bathroom art:

Sorry for the scribble on top!
 I got a faint + on day 6 (1st on the left)
 a strong + on day 7 of this 88 cent test!

The line didn't get too much darker but you def don't have to squint as hard :)

No special decoding skills  necessary

So that's it folks! Sorry it was such a willy-nilly post, but such is my life lately. Feeling very guarded but incredibly thankful! And even though I was  feeling crazy about praying and not feeling secure in my faith, someone somewhere heard my prayers and I cannot deny that. I won't take one second of this amazing blessing for granted.  Again, thanks so much for your kind words and hopeful wishes, it means A LOT. I hope that all of my blog friends are hearing good news soon too!