Thursday, August 15, 2013

Bargains and Babes

Where should I begin? How about where we left off last time...The situation between R and her mom is psuedo resolved for now. I'm not completely satisfied with her "apology" but R is and I have to be content with that.  As of right now she is re-invited to the shower and  is still blocked from FB but is minding her p's and q's.  Even after showing R's mom the communication we had with R's aunt she was still confused as to why we weren't inviting her to the shower.  She said we should at least invite her and hope she doesn't come. ummm what??!! I give up. On to the good stuff...

I forgot to mention on the last post that our 16 week visit with the OB was awesome! She was actually the one person that responded to my email over a year ago in my secret lezzie group! At the time she was a 4th year resident. She had no idea who we were when we went to the appointment but we introduced ourselves quickly and she was more than happy to divulge she and her partner just had a baby last year! We also asked about induced lactation for R and she was super excited. She is the only doc in our practice that does it.  We will start R on meds around 30 weeks and will hopefully both be able to breastfeed. We felt super comfortable and best of all she invited us to a lesbian mom club. SCORE!!!

Speaking of clubs, we also joined a twins club in our city and it was a little overwhelming. Everyone was very accepting but we had a few awkward moments explaining who was pregnant and that R was not my "friend" or "support". We joined just in time to get into a HUGE consignment sale and got some serious finds! Also, a co worker of R's gave us a brand new car seat unused. We just need to get a match and find a double stoller which has been a little more difficult than we thought.  We registered today and I only had 2 meltdowns....that's progress friends. We started on the nursery painting and got an amazing rocker (craiglist find) from pottery barn! We are doing a map/travel theme in mint and orange. My mom came up for 2 days to help, but unfortunately I was sooo tired and feeling like poo, I was not much help. I'm hoping this second wind everyone keeps talking about comes soon.

Our 20 week appointment was yesterday and found out that we are for sure having 2 boys! I can't believe it and am way more excited than I could ever imagine. They were measuring right on track and looked beautiful. My belly is starting to get rounder and firmer and I feel more connected. I just assumed that since I was the pregnant one I would automatically feel bonded but it has taken me longer than I thought. I don't know if it was because of the IVF whirlwind or the family drama but all that aside now, I am feeling like a momma. Still no serious movement but lots of weird sensations, like my guts shifting or something.  R has been amazing and puts up with my crazy mood swings, although I think she is having more cravings than me!  Our 1 year anniversary is next week and I cannot believe how fast it went. I'm so excited to start this new chapter in our lives. I start school next week and am feeling pretty excited. I also decided to put my name on the day shift list and am looking forward to being on a normal schedule. It's gonna help in the long run with the daycare issue. I'm hoping R will come to days to so we aren't two ships passing in the night.  So that's it for now. Hope all is well in the blogosphere!

I'll leave you with some pics of our super bargains and babies!

Saturday, August 3, 2013

2 Tears in a Bucket...

Soooo remember in a previous post me and the wife were denied our name change request? Well we went to court and guess what? We won! The previous judge just wrote on a sticky note (that's right-we here in SC spare no expense) "same sex marriage?".  The judge thought that by us having the same name we would try to dupe the system in some way and get benefits.  Our lawyer told us not to worry, R met all the statutory requirements  and if they didn't approve it this time they would have to provide a court order stating why and no judge in their right mind could use same sex marriage as their reason. We got a new judge and she took five minutes to ask R some questions and approved the name change. We were elated! Me, my wife, and our children will have the same last name and we couldn't be happier.

My wife posted on FB about how excited she was and thanked our supporters who had been rallying behind us over the past few weeks leading up to our court date. Well, her aunt decided to write a negative comment  and state that she was "disappointed " and one of our friends chimed in saying "don't let haters rain on your parade" to which R's mother chimed in and told our friends to "shut the hell up" and "the only reason people like this is because it's cool and trendy". Ummmmm WHAT????? I must have missed that edition of Cosmo highlighting cool and trendy lezzies struggling to make families with no rights and benefits. She also wrote a bunch of other shit that I can't even get into right now because even after a week I am still stewing. R just saw her family the week before and no one said a word to her about the name change and in fact said they were excited about the babies. When R tried to contact her aunt she refused to talk on the phone and instead texted her. She said that the babies are not mine and should have R's last name. We are not married in this state and she is still a Miss not a Mrs. We are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and last but not least, that when you go against the wind you should expect some blowback and R was being prejudiced against heterosexual views.  I was devastated.....R was devastated. Her mom was not any better, she said she was just concerned about R and is so afraid of getting hurt but couldn't say who she thought was going to hurt her( although I still think she's implying me). She also said she's worried about the second parent adoption, umm like we aren't???  I have many problems with this mainly because  if I was a man, none of this would have even been an issue. R's mom has never publicly supported us and not until everyone changed their pics to equality signs on FB did she ever even mention her own daughter-when it was "cool and trendy" . She also has never gone to a rally or wrote her local congressman (to whom they are directly RELATED) expressing her concerns for her daughter's rights. She justified what her sister said to R and herein lies the biggest problem. R does not cry often, she doesn't get worked up but this pushed her over the edge. The babies aren't even here yet and if anyone were to try and hurt them I would claw their eyes out ya'll! For R's mother to hear and see how hurt her daughter was at the hands of her own family and not feel the least bit of sympathy is unfathomable to me. She couldn't even apologize and said she was just stressed out but when R said that was not a good enough excuse, she hung up on R not once, not twice but three times.

We have actually had a similar situation with her mom before. I actually blocked her from my FB but R made  me unblock her so she could see posts about the babies. I didn't want to because she writes inappropriate stuff on there all time (jerry springer style). She is embarrassing and R is constantly going behind her cleaning up her social messes. A little background: R's mom has had depression since she was a teenager and may have some mania sprinkled in there as well. She is heavily medicated and when she acts poorly, she blames it on not taking her meds or being depressed. Her family cottles her because they think she is so fragile and just let her run amuck. She is never held accountable and it's getting old. I don't understand why they felt the need to use our own personal post as their political platforms. They all hid behind their computer screens and refused to answer their phones and we have not spoken to them since. She also texted R the next day and said she wanted to come up and get a pedicure like nothing ever happened!!!  And then her aunt texted R a few days later saying she didn't want to talk her because it was "too emotional for her"  and that R needed to call her mother and "make her feel better"! SAY WHAT????? I cannot make this ish up. R has just chosen to ignore them right now.

I hurt for R. She is so sad. I thought these babies would bring our families together. I never in a million years thought it would go in this direction. We took my name and planned on using R's maiden name as one of the boy's first names as well as incorporating my own dad's name. (It was going to be a surprise) We gave a lot of thought to this with consideration for both of our families. They have sucked the joy out of it for me. After going through this with my own brother, it is easy for me to say cut them out. I was really sad but now I am thankful that my brother removed himself instead of subjecting me and my family to his hateful comments.  And I recently had a come-to Jesus meeting with my parents as well letting them know that being "tolerated" not accepted will not be good enough for our children and they have chosen to get on board. I realize this is R's mom but I just won't tolerate anyone treating our family less than and expecting us to just take it.   I am so tired of having to think of everyone else before we do anything-it's time to put our family first.  I don't know what we'll do about R's mom but as far her aunt goes, I am done. Ever hear the saying "two tears in bucket..." (I'll let you google the rest)

So what do you think? I realize there are always two sides but R is torn. I can't be around this stress and all I wanna do is enjoy this pregnancy without me and R being lashed out at. Would you cut your own mother out? I'm afraid that an apology this time might not be enough.