Life as we know it

 

Our latest purchase! R bought this for 85$ on Craiglist from an uber rich lady who used it twice and decided she didn't like jogging. Sweet! Things have been pretty surreal since we found out we were having twins. Kinda foggy really. Still trying to get a grip on this. R traded her 94 convertible mustang Sally for a sporty mom-mobile:
                                         

And just when we thought things were going according to plan, R's position at the hospital was cut. She works something called Baylor which means she works every weekend of the year in exchange for getting paid for a full time job. So she works 24 hours on Sat and Sun and gets paid as if she worked all week. It sucked at first giving up the weekends with her but we made it work and any shift past those days she picked up was overtime. Well, the hospital gave everyone raises and then cut every baylor position. This means that we will be losing about 10 g's in salary and R's job is kinda in limbo right now.  It is super stressful because we had a budget based on that previous income that will soon be gone. It looks like it will be ramen noodles for a while. I don't know how we will do it but I know we will. R has always made me feel secure and even though I am scared to death about the future I can't help but believe we're gonna be ok. I'm feeling very "que sera sera" lately.

And just when I didn't think I could pile anymore shit on the already thin paper plate that we call life, I got my acceptance letter for my RN-BSN program that starts this fall.  Part of me thinks I should wait, but they only accept new applicants in the fall and wouldn't be able to apply again until 2014. It's all online so it's definitely doable, but I know I am going to be dog- tired once the kiddos arrive. R is super supportive and thinks I should do it. I have until July 1st to decide. I might just start and if it gets to be too much, I can switch to part time next year. I worked two jobs to put myself through nursing school the first time and there were some nights where I would come home-take a 2 hour nap and go to clinical or class and then right back to work. I know I am capable of it again. I just want to be a good mom and be here and present for my family. It's hard for me not to shake my fists at the gods, especially considering the blessings that we have been given, but I can't help but feel as though they are indeed laughing at us right now.

The Motherload

I was leery to write a post about Mother's Day on a blog that is shared with people that share the unrelenting desire to have children. I viewed yesterday so differently. Usually, it is a happy holiday because a) I still have my mom and b) I wanted to be a mom but had  not ventured into that journey yet.  This year is different because of you my bloglandians. I have met so many of ya'll that have had the most amazing journeys to motherhood. And motherhood seemed to be so cut and dry until we started this path. I see now that mothers can come in so many different forms and we should embrace and celebrate that. This is the first Mother's Day that R's mom is without hers and R is without her nanny. And wow, a cliche never rang truer than "you don't know what you've got til it's gone".   I also thought about all the moms in waiting. I know today can be so tough and I appreciate you the most. No matter where your baby is,  heart, body, mind, or soul, you are still a mom.

I got my wife a Mother's Day gift. A rosebush to plant in our yard together to watch grow as we watch our babies grow.

And with Mother's Day comes the commercials. Can't a hormone laden gal get an effing break please????   Warning: these are not for the faint of heart.  Grab a box of tissues and try to make it through these without ugly crying. Good luck and may the force be with you..

1 tissue

2 tissues

3 tissues

Deuces Wild!

Our first ultrasound was today!!! 6 weeks and 1 day.  The little bean looked great. HR 112 and the due date is Jan 1st.

Annnnd.....the OTHER bean....haha! That's right! There's another one! Deuces!!! Well the other one is perfect and the heartbeat was 114. We were in shock.

Here's a family pic:

I was concerned that the one on the left was small but the doc assured me it was because it implanted lower and is on a different viewing plane but they are indeed the exact same size.  Two little heartbeats. I cried and cried and felt a huge weight lifted for about two seconds only to be replaced by    "holy sh!t...twins!" I don't know why we were so shocked and it sounds silly considering that we put two eggs in, so of course there was a real possibility that we could have twins. I just didn't feel pregnant. How can I be making two humans right now and feel fine??? And cuckoo confession #1 I literally took a test everyday until this morning because I didn't believe it. But today was different. Before the appointment, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  I looked prego-I can't explain it, I don't mean a huge bump or anything. Maybe it was bloating or progesterone induced hallucinations...but I saw it for a split second. And then came the small wave of nausea that has stuck all day along with a ferocious headache out of no where. I still don't know how we got here. Me and R keep looking at each other and going "twins...huh" We spent the afternoon making calls and telling our friends and family.  We are so blessed and are scared and excited all at the same time.  

In other news they found a dermoid cyst on my right ovary measuring around 6cm...yikes. The doc said no worries and it can be removed at a later time if it doesn't resolve on its own.  Still a little scary considering it was not there on the anatomy scan when we started this whole thing. So we will have to wait and see what the OB says. Our next appointment is May 23- the first with our OB who is already my gyn and I already love her. We can't wait to see those little seahorses again! Well, that's about all I can say right now. So glad to see my friends doing well in blogland and hope to keep hearing your good news.