6dp3dt

Well, if there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I am not patient. I hate waiting in line, in traffic, for food, literally hate it. So these few days have made me feel like a lunatic. I am not ashamed to say that I tested 2dp3dt because I was just being crazy curious. Stop it! I can hear your heads shaking from here.  I hadn't felt any symptoms and just needed to do something to let out some of the pressure. My progesterone was low so they started me on endometrin vaginal torpedos suppositories.

I am also still on PIO and I am super sore in my hips and starting to itch and have lots of red welts. The extra surge in hormones finally pushed me over the edge on Tuesday and I lost my sh!t. I was sobbing uncontrollably because I felt so bad about praying and asking for a baby when I don't know who exactly I was praying to. ( I am pretty lost spiritually) My wife found me in the shower in full on Lucille Ball style-ugly-faced-snot-nosed-cry.  "I just want to be pregnant soooo baaaaaaadddd and I need to go to chuurrrrrchhhh." I said between sobs. She was pretty caught off guard, but managed to stifle her giggles and comfort me . After that I felt so much better. And I realized that I missed praying, and I have become a little cynical when it comes to organized religion and need to find some faith-literally.  I'll revisit that later.  I did test again on 5dp3dt and it was negative. I was not sad though-I think I'm just trying to prepare myself for the worst. I was so torn about being superstitious and extra guarded or just having faith and thinking positive. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't my friends.

Get in ma bellllyyyy!!!

I  think I have been feeling cramps from the progesterone, implantation, impending AF gas. It's been mainly on my left side. I have had a few fat bastard moments with an insatiable appetite for anything sweet. (talking a tub-o-sea salt brownies in one sitting ya'll) I've been waking up with horrible night sweats and a pounding pulse. I can literally hear my heart beating in my head. I have been having the most vivid weird dreams. I just think it's from the pregnancy progesterone. I got a light duty note for work and couldn't muster up the courage to give it to my manager. I don't now why- I just feel nervous about saying " I can't work too hard beacause I might be prego" and then if they ask how far along I am and I say 9 days-I just can't do it yet. I'm off for the next few days and if I test positive I will give them a heads up. My wife said I have to. Beta is the 24th.

I got home from work this morning and took another test. My wife busted in-she has a sixth sense when I am being bad. I swear I saw something! She said no way and I was being crazy. I went to sleep and took another one this afternoon.  Get your magnifying glass out, this is what we got:

pic doesn't do it justice-but it's there! I swear ;)

So as you can see, things couldn't be crazier better. Keep praying, crossing fingers,  avoiding black cats, or whatever it is you do to keep the optimism alive. We appreciate everyone rooting for us. <3

PUPO

Two hot mommas!

Well, we are officially PUPO! Transfer was at 1015 this morning. We got up early to take shots and shove things in places the sun don't shine.  (TMI I know) Since it was Saturday the clinic was quiet and they took us back immediately. We got our report from the embryologist and 15 were still growing and we implanted 1 grade A (8 cells) and 1 grade B (8cells)! They said they were great!

Only a face mothers can love! 

I didn't drink enough water and they had to put a foley in and poured water in my bladder-you read that right. THEY POURED WATER IN MY BLADDER. I was uber uncomfortable! There were 7 people in there and I got to watch the procedure on the big screen! It was awesome. We were in and out in 15 minutes!!! They put the embies in and wheeled me back to the waiting room where I attempted to use a bedpan. It's a lot harder than it looks! I have a new found respect for my patients! I pretty much peed all over myself...I laid there for about 30 min and then we grabbed lunch to go and I've been horizontal ever since. I have been having lots of cramping and I was told I can take tylenol.  Has anyone else had cramps after transfer?? They aren't excruciating but def not comfortable.  I go back to work on Tues and worry that's too soon but I have decided to come clean about my fragile state to my bosses so I can stop worrying.  Please send us lots of sticky vibes! Our beta is April 24th-3 days before my 32nd birthday. I can't think of a better present than to be pregnant! *fingers crossed*

Eggcellent

First and foremost, a HUGE  thanks for all the encouraging words on my last post. We really appreciate it.Seriously, I never thought encouragement from strangers could be so comforting.  Now to the good stuff: Egg retrieval was yesterday!!! R gave us 23 eggs. The clinic called with the report and 15 have fertilized! R wanted more but I am so pleased with that. We only need one! She was such a trooper, she feels like poop today though. I am so proud of her. She did eggcellent...(haha couldn't help it)

We went hunting for cheap pregnancy tests. We found some at Wal-mart for 88 cents ya'll!! The instructions, as well as the box were all in Spanish lol.. A little shady but we bought it anyways-it was 88 cents for pete's sake! So I had R test it out while she was temporarily prego with the trigger shot. It totally worked! We got the last one but we will buy more when they restock. I have a feeling I'll be taking a lot of tests...

temporalmente embarazada!!! lol

Transfer is scheduled for Sat am. I have an acupuncture before and after. I am beyond excited! I never thought this day would come. Please keep us in your thoughts blogland friends, we could use all the sticky vibes we can get.

Heads on Pillows...

Well, a lot has happened this past week and I don't know how to put it all down in words. So I figured I would give you a day by day. Sorry folks, it's going to be a long one! Go to the potty, grab a snack, and strap yourself in for the ride that is my life currently.

Wednesday- Worked all night, get home and lay my head down.  Head on pillow..eyes closed...finally sleep..phone rings. It's R's mom-her grandma (lovingly called nanny) just passed away. Shit. R is super close to her and loved her so much. This is the first death we have experienced together. I don't know what she needs right now but I am determined to make sure she makes it through this. I met her several times and when she realized what was going on between us, all she said was "take good care of my girl". I promised I would.  I had an acupuncture appointment (my first). It was not bad but I couldn't calm down with everything going on.  I felt bad going but R felt I should and then we headed out of town to see her family and everyone was an emotional wreck.  We tried to comfort but it's useless right now. We head back home around midnight. Heads on pillows...eyes closed...wife wakes up at 4 am crying. It's going to be a very long week.

Thursday- Logging about 6 hours of sleep in 2 days between the two of us at this point.We have to drive back home everyday because we have appointments at the clinic every morning now. From the clinic we hop on the highway and drive to the sperm clinic in another state. We had decided early on that we would save ourselves the 300$ shipping and drive the hour each way to another state and get it.We get there and the "clinic" is not at all what we expected-we should have sprung for the shipping :(  Oh well, then we sign the release form and it says we have to bring it back the next day which won't work since we need to be back for the funeral. So we have to drop it off at the clinic and turn right back around and take the tank back. Four hours in the car and the sperm is finally in the house! Heads on pillows..eyes closed...wife wakes up at 4 am crying.

Friday- Today is the wake/viewing. I knew this would be hard because it would make nanny's death real. Seeing her in a casket made it final and that was tough for everyone. It was gut-wrenching to see her husband of 64 years say goodbye to the love of his life. I can only hope that me and my wife can last that long. We had to pack our stim drugs in a cooler with ice. We would dip out to our car every day at 5:30 to shoot up like shady junkies-intervention style ya'll.  Her dad rode with me and asks what's in the cooler and an awkward conversation about the IVF process ensues. We had an appointment at 8 am at the clinic so we drive back home around midnight and pass out. Heads on pillows..eyes closed..wife wakes up at 4 am crying.

Saturday-Appointment at 8 am again. Everything looks fine-follies are huge! We make our way back out of town. The funeral was rough because not all of her family knows who I am. All week long I was R's 'friend" and it was awkward. The family that knew were incredible and made me feel so loved. And I had to constantly remind myself that this was not the time and it was not about me. It was just hard sitting 5 rows back from my wife and seeing her in distress and not being able to comfort her and hold her hand made it that much more frustrating. The funeral was finally over I think the numbness was wearing off. It was such a relief to drive home and know we were going to get real sleep. Heads on pillows...eyes closed...

Sunday-Appointment goes well. Some follies are pulling ahead and one is at 27 mm already! They are talking about early retrieval. Back to work for both of us. My wife's ovaries are huge and it hurts for her to laugh. I talk to our babies and tell them to  take it easy on her.

Monday-Appointment goes well and retrieval is set for Wednesday! Trigger shot at 9 pm tonight. Hopefully three day transfer on Saturday. We met with our lawyers and our co-maternity agreement is done! This is a huge step for us on the path to second-parent adoption. We also got healthcare power of attorneys for us and potential babies and my wife filed for her name change. She also had to get finger printed to prove she just wants to show her union to me and is not actually a tax-evading child molester.

These last few days were so hectic but we made it through and I know we can make it through anything. My wife is slowly coming back around and smiling again. I hope her nanny is watching over us and we have some good news in a few weeks. I hope I get to keep that promise I made and I really hope everyone can lay their heads on pillows tonight and close their eyes.

Emotional Smoothie

Emotional Freakout Smoothie Recipe:

2 parts lesbian

2 AF's (optional: extra PMS for an extra kick!)

1 trip to fertility clinic at the crack of dawn

1 type A personality

1 type B personality

mix together and place in tiny waiting room

Let emotions simmer during car ride..Bring to a boil at home. Separate lesbos and let cool. Once completely cooled down (this is the MOST important step) mix together and sprinkle some "i'm sorry-no no i'm sorry". For extra smoothness add in some tears and kisses.  Total preparation time:1 hour

*We're fine, I just had a freakout about meds, appointments, timing details (blah blah blah) and blew up on my poor wife. We started stims today and go back on Tues. I promised to behave ahead of time. ;)

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

A few pictures from our rally yesterday. Have a meeting with a family lawyer tomorrow (who we met at the rally) to draw up co-parenting agreements name changes and power of attorneys. When friends ask me what I am so upset about or what I am fighting for I tell them this: It's like working in a kitchen side by side with everyone all day. We all do our part to put this beautiful feast together. When the feast is ready-everyone's invited to enjoy it except us.  Like Cynthia Nixon said "We don't want to change the way you eat, we just want to be invited to the table."  I left feeling  very hopeful and empowered. 

P.s. If you've don't get my title google the original movie with Sydney Portier-still a poignant movie in so many ways.  

Buzzing With Excitement

We hit a little speed bump a couple of weeks ago. Since we are doing reciprocal IVF, insurance can be a little tricky. We were ordering our stim meds and found out since I was the recipient of the eggs my insurance was supposed to cover Rosebud's meds. However, since we are not on the same policy, my insurance wouldn't pay for her as a donor. Meds were upwards of $5000 without insurance-say whattttttt????? We had an agonizing week of waiting to hear back from the insurance, fertility office and pharmacy to get our approval to use Rosebud's own insurance (we have the exact same policy that covers infertility). Without this help we would not be able to continue on and this whole process would have come to a screeching halt. We heard back today and we were approved! Only downside is that we have a lifetime max of $5000 for drugs and guess what? Her drugs cost exactly that. So that means this cycle needs to give us some good eggs for freezing in the event this cycle doesn't work. We will have to sell a kidney to do another cycle with her eggs. Luckily, I still have some insurance left to put towards drugs if we use my eggs for the next kiddo.

Since we really need some quality eggs, I have been reading a lot about what can increase the quality. This is all speculation of course sprinkled with some old wive's tales, but hey, who am I to judge? So we hit up the grocery store and stocked up on these:

• royal jelly with bee pollen (paste)-said to improve egg quality, it's what the queen bee feeds on and she lives 6 years longer than her drones and lays 2000 eggs.a.day.folks. I read that we need to take it for 3 months but figured we would give it a shot anyway and see what all the buzzzzz is about. See what I did there? ;)
• pineapple core-I've heard conflicting things about this and what it does but I've heard that it contains bromelain which supports an extra sticky uterus. For IVF'ers, you should eat the core for five days starting on transfer day. 
• Kale-full of natural folate- we put it in everything! We drink it in smoothies every morning. I'm making a "fertility soup" chocked full of it along with  white beans, garlic and chicken.
• Brazil nuts- 1 nut contains a days worth of selenium, a mineral linked to successful implantation when taken in moderation. 
• avocados-rich in antioxidants and good fats
• chicken and salmon-filled with good fatty acids and protein

So there you have it. Our fertility diet for the next few weeks. We've already cut our caffeine and the lady at Mcd's helped me sober up (see my last post). Just waiting on AF so I can start the patches and Rosebud starts stims on Saturday hopefully. We are going to a  marriage equality rally at our state house tomorrow and are so excited for all the potential changes for our LGBTQ community and what it means for our families! It's going to be an exciting next few weeks and we are so ready! Sending fertile thoughts and queen bee vibes to everyone!