Happy Birthday To Me!

We had our second beta on yesterday and it was 475! Woo hoo! I worked myself into a tizzy waiting on the results and felt a huge relief when they called. It just seems like the worrying will never end. Now we worry til the first ultrasound... then the heartbeat...then the..

I just don't feel prego. I only have some mild cramps and just keep taking tests to prove to myself that there's something in there. I know I am preachin to the choir as I have yet to read a post where someone was like " I am pregnant and I believe it". I just am in shock still I think. We couldn't help but share our joy with our closest friends and we decided to tell my parents since they were coming for my birthday. I still haven't told my boss but given that my workplace is 98% female, I am sure the news will spread down the grapevine all the way to her office in no time flat.

We suprised my parents with onesies. I think my dad was shocked. Mainly because he said "I am in shock!" My mom said "oh I guess it took?!' followed by crying. She hugged me with a kung-fu grip only a mother could have. We were so nervous and knew it could go either way. We couldn't have asked for a better response. We went to the zoo for my bday and my mom wanted to go to the gift shop. She came out with two bags of stuffed animals! It was so cute. She said she wanted the baby to have something to remember this day.

I never in a million years thought I would be so happy to spend my 32nd birthday on the couch in my pj's but that's exactly what I am doing. And I couldn't be happier. I feel really blessed.

Our ultrasound is May 9th. That seems like a lifetime away! I prob will take a test everyday til then. Judge me if you must. Also my estrogen level came back at 664. My progesterone level came back at over 40! They said to keep using the patches, shots and vag torpedoes (yay). Does anyone think that the progesterone is high? I almost skipped the shot today. I have itchy welts the size of ping pong balls and am running out of trunk space. I cried yesterday because the shot hurt so bad. I don't want to mess anything up but I just don't know if I can do it for 3-5 more weeks! Everything I read said progesterone in the first trimester is at most in the 20's? Can your progesterone be too high??

Well, that's all for now bloglandians! I hope the good news just keeps on coming for all of us and those of you still waiting, please try to hang in there and stay positive. (easier said than done I know!) I wish everyone some peace, love, and baby dust!

The Incredible Hulk

Our beta was today! Drum roll please...232! I'm not entirely sure what to think...it could be twins but I'm leaning towards the Incredible Hulk. Either way we are in shock. Next beta is Friday am!

All Willy-Nilly

Warning: Random thought post in progress!  My wife's cousin is Buddhist (the only one in her giant family of Southern Baptists) and invited us to a class yesterday. I must say that I really liked it. It was open to the public in  our museum of art. Afterwards, we saw a Monet impressionist exhibit there. Something about being surrounded by beautiful things makes you feel so calm and peaceful. I love art and the feelings it can evoke from you. It was a really good distraction day. I left feeling great and a lot more enlightened.  I have been meditating daily already to calm my nerves and it has helped TREMENDOUSLY.  (I use this FREE app on my phone and I love it!) We bought a book and a meditation cd and I think we may be going back for a few more lessons.

Buddhist fertility statue

So I peed on more tests than I care to admit! I have done some research on the particular tests that I took and just how sensitive they are. I found two decent websites here and here  that compare Hpts. Also, I think one of my fellow bloggers may have posted about this a while ago but I think this page is fascinating.

Here's some of my  own new bathroom art:

Sorry for the scribble on top!
 I got a faint + on day 6 (1st on the left)
 a strong + on day 7 of this 88 cent test!

The line didn't get too much darker but you def don't have to squint as hard :)

No special decoding skills  necessary

So that's it folks! Sorry it was such a willy-nilly post, but such is my life lately. Feeling very guarded but incredibly thankful! And even though I was  feeling crazy about praying and not feeling secure in my faith, someone somewhere heard my prayers and I cannot deny that. I won't take one second of this amazing blessing for granted.  Again, thanks so much for your kind words and hopeful wishes, it means A LOT. I hope that all of my blog friends are hearing good news soon too!

6dp3dt

Well, if there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I am not patient. I hate waiting in line, in traffic, for food, literally hate it. So these few days have made me feel like a lunatic. I am not ashamed to say that I tested 2dp3dt because I was just being crazy curious. Stop it! I can hear your heads shaking from here.  I hadn't felt any symptoms and just needed to do something to let out some of the pressure. My progesterone was low so they started me on endometrin vaginal torpedos suppositories.

I am also still on PIO and I am super sore in my hips and starting to itch and have lots of red welts. The extra surge in hormones finally pushed me over the edge on Tuesday and I lost my sh!t. I was sobbing uncontrollably because I felt so bad about praying and asking for a baby when I don't know who exactly I was praying to. ( I am pretty lost spiritually) My wife found me in the shower in full on Lucille Ball style-ugly-faced-snot-nosed-cry.  "I just want to be pregnant soooo baaaaaaadddd and I need to go to chuurrrrrchhhh." I said between sobs. She was pretty caught off guard, but managed to stifle her giggles and comfort me . After that I felt so much better. And I realized that I missed praying, and I have become a little cynical when it comes to organized religion and need to find some faith-literally.  I'll revisit that later.  I did test again on 5dp3dt and it was negative. I was not sad though-I think I'm just trying to prepare myself for the worst. I was so torn about being superstitious and extra guarded or just having faith and thinking positive. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't my friends.

Get in ma bellllyyyy!!!

I  think I have been feeling cramps from the progesterone, implantation, impending AF gas. It's been mainly on my left side. I have had a few fat bastard moments with an insatiable appetite for anything sweet. (talking a tub-o-sea salt brownies in one sitting ya'll) I've been waking up with horrible night sweats and a pounding pulse. I can literally hear my heart beating in my head. I have been having the most vivid weird dreams. I just think it's from the pregnancy progesterone. I got a light duty note for work and couldn't muster up the courage to give it to my manager. I don't now why- I just feel nervous about saying " I can't work too hard beacause I might be prego" and then if they ask how far along I am and I say 9 days-I just can't do it yet. I'm off for the next few days and if I test positive I will give them a heads up. My wife said I have to. Beta is the 24th.

I got home from work this morning and took another test. My wife busted in-she has a sixth sense when I am being bad. I swear I saw something! She said no way and I was being crazy. I went to sleep and took another one this afternoon.  Get your magnifying glass out, this is what we got:

pic doesn't do it justice-but it's there! I swear ;)

So as you can see, things couldn't be crazier better. Keep praying, crossing fingers,  avoiding black cats, or whatever it is you do to keep the optimism alive. We appreciate everyone rooting for us. <3

PUPO

Two hot mommas!

Well, we are officially PUPO! Transfer was at 1015 this morning. We got up early to take shots and shove things in places the sun don't shine.  (TMI I know) Since it was Saturday the clinic was quiet and they took us back immediately. We got our report from the embryologist and 15 were still growing and we implanted 1 grade A (8 cells) and 1 grade B (8cells)! They said they were great!

Only a face mothers can love! 

I didn't drink enough water and they had to put a foley in and poured water in my bladder-you read that right. THEY POURED WATER IN MY BLADDER. I was uber uncomfortable! There were 7 people in there and I got to watch the procedure on the big screen! It was awesome. We were in and out in 15 minutes!!! They put the embies in and wheeled me back to the waiting room where I attempted to use a bedpan. It's a lot harder than it looks! I have a new found respect for my patients! I pretty much peed all over myself...I laid there for about 30 min and then we grabbed lunch to go and I've been horizontal ever since. I have been having lots of cramping and I was told I can take tylenol.  Has anyone else had cramps after transfer?? They aren't excruciating but def not comfortable.  I go back to work on Tues and worry that's too soon but I have decided to come clean about my fragile state to my bosses so I can stop worrying.  Please send us lots of sticky vibes! Our beta is April 24th-3 days before my 32nd birthday. I can't think of a better present than to be pregnant! *fingers crossed*

Eggcellent

First and foremost, a HUGE  thanks for all the encouraging words on my last post. We really appreciate it.Seriously, I never thought encouragement from strangers could be so comforting.  Now to the good stuff: Egg retrieval was yesterday!!! R gave us 23 eggs. The clinic called with the report and 15 have fertilized! R wanted more but I am so pleased with that. We only need one! She was such a trooper, she feels like poop today though. I am so proud of her. She did eggcellent...(haha couldn't help it)

We went hunting for cheap pregnancy tests. We found some at Wal-mart for 88 cents ya'll!! The instructions, as well as the box were all in Spanish lol.. A little shady but we bought it anyways-it was 88 cents for pete's sake! So I had R test it out while she was temporarily prego with the trigger shot. It totally worked! We got the last one but we will buy more when they restock. I have a feeling I'll be taking a lot of tests...

temporalmente embarazada!!! lol

Transfer is scheduled for Sat am. I have an acupuncture before and after. I am beyond excited! I never thought this day would come. Please keep us in your thoughts blogland friends, we could use all the sticky vibes we can get.

Heads on Pillows...

Well, a lot has happened this past week and I don't know how to put it all down in words. So I figured I would give you a day by day. Sorry folks, it's going to be a long one! Go to the potty, grab a snack, and strap yourself in for the ride that is my life currently.

Wednesday- Worked all night, get home and lay my head down.  Head on pillow..eyes closed...finally sleep..phone rings. It's R's mom-her grandma (lovingly called nanny) just passed away. Shit. R is super close to her and loved her so much. This is the first death we have experienced together. I don't know what she needs right now but I am determined to make sure she makes it through this. I met her several times and when she realized what was going on between us, all she said was "take good care of my girl". I promised I would.  I had an acupuncture appointment (my first). It was not bad but I couldn't calm down with everything going on.  I felt bad going but R felt I should and then we headed out of town to see her family and everyone was an emotional wreck.  We tried to comfort but it's useless right now. We head back home around midnight. Heads on pillows...eyes closed...wife wakes up at 4 am crying. It's going to be a very long week.

Thursday- Logging about 6 hours of sleep in 2 days between the two of us at this point.We have to drive back home everyday because we have appointments at the clinic every morning now. From the clinic we hop on the highway and drive to the sperm clinic in another state. We had decided early on that we would save ourselves the 300$ shipping and drive the hour each way to another state and get it.We get there and the "clinic" is not at all what we expected-we should have sprung for the shipping :(  Oh well, then we sign the release form and it says we have to bring it back the next day which won't work since we need to be back for the funeral. So we have to drop it off at the clinic and turn right back around and take the tank back. Four hours in the car and the sperm is finally in the house! Heads on pillows..eyes closed...wife wakes up at 4 am crying.

Friday- Today is the wake/viewing. I knew this would be hard because it would make nanny's death real. Seeing her in a casket made it final and that was tough for everyone. It was gut-wrenching to see her husband of 64 years say goodbye to the love of his life. I can only hope that me and my wife can last that long. We had to pack our stim drugs in a cooler with ice. We would dip out to our car every day at 5:30 to shoot up like shady junkies-intervention style ya'll.  Her dad rode with me and asks what's in the cooler and an awkward conversation about the IVF process ensues. We had an appointment at 8 am at the clinic so we drive back home around midnight and pass out. Heads on pillows..eyes closed..wife wakes up at 4 am crying.

Saturday-Appointment at 8 am again. Everything looks fine-follies are huge! We make our way back out of town. The funeral was rough because not all of her family knows who I am. All week long I was R's 'friend" and it was awkward. The family that knew were incredible and made me feel so loved. And I had to constantly remind myself that this was not the time and it was not about me. It was just hard sitting 5 rows back from my wife and seeing her in distress and not being able to comfort her and hold her hand made it that much more frustrating. The funeral was finally over I think the numbness was wearing off. It was such a relief to drive home and know we were going to get real sleep. Heads on pillows...eyes closed...

Sunday-Appointment goes well. Some follies are pulling ahead and one is at 27 mm already! They are talking about early retrieval. Back to work for both of us. My wife's ovaries are huge and it hurts for her to laugh. I talk to our babies and tell them to  take it easy on her.

Monday-Appointment goes well and retrieval is set for Wednesday! Trigger shot at 9 pm tonight. Hopefully three day transfer on Saturday. We met with our lawyers and our co-maternity agreement is done! This is a huge step for us on the path to second-parent adoption. We also got healthcare power of attorneys for us and potential babies and my wife filed for her name change. She also had to get finger printed to prove she just wants to show her union to me and is not actually a tax-evading child molester.

These last few days were so hectic but we made it through and I know we can make it through anything. My wife is slowly coming back around and smiling again. I hope her nanny is watching over us and we have some good news in a few weeks. I hope I get to keep that promise I made and I really hope everyone can lay their heads on pillows tonight and close their eyes.